Sector-9

I'm back

2009-02-22T18:50:00.003+02:00

hi y'all, not sure anyone cares but this is the first day I've had off since I moved to my new place. Mike and I are over as most of you already know. I moved into a tiny place with a roommate, it's around the corner from my parents and I'm very happy about that. It's also 10 minute walk from work so I'm saving a lot of $. Mike is homeless right now, staying with friends, so I got the computer he was supposed to take. For now, I'm back :)

This is hard though. Have to keep reminding myself that I made the right choice. I miss Mike but not the Mike I broke up with, the one I fell inlove with 5 years ago. And we all know that gut is gone. I feel ok most of the time, my friends are all around me and wont let me get too sad. I overreact a lot, someone says the wrong thing and I fall apart... I hate that... I have to give myself some time. Catch my breath...

Boxing Day

2008-12-28T00:53:00.002+02:00

Hi all. Here I am. Here it is.

That sunday I wrote last, I hurt my back at work. Was okay the rest of the day but woke up monday and I couldn't move. I managed to go to the bank and pay rent but was in so much pain I called work to tell them I'm not coming. I sent Mike a txt telling him I paid rent and I'm staying home, turns out he was sleeping at Viki's and had the day off. So Viki called me later to ask how I was doing and Mike was just waking up, he asked if I wanted him to come over, he knows since i've been a kid I get very anxious when I'm sick or dissabled. So he came over and I asked if he was going to stay and he said he wanted to stay that night and see how things go if that's okay. He's been home since.

It's not perfect but we're both trying. We had a nice Christmas with our friends although we're totaly broke now because of that. I'm up and down, sometimes I'm optimistic and sometimes I feel like it's never going to work because the same thing will happen again next year... But I'm going with the flow, waiting for things to get better. He's not drinking as much and even if he does I try not to overreact. He finally went to the doctor, new psychiatrist for his bi-polar meds, turns out our insurance can now cover the cost and he did it on his own. cross your fingers...

Another thing. I wanted to go back to school and finish what I started 5 years ago but it looks like I wont be able to because of money issues. I'm really disapointed but I'm thinking instead I'll finally get my drivers license and start school again in the fall. They also have a summer class I'll look into.

I don't know what's going to happen yet but I do know I'm not going to neglect myself like that again, I have to keep investing in myself even if doenst fit with his feelings. I love him but I'm sick of hating myself. I need to take care of me and if he gets in the way of that then... sorry.

Day 7

2008-12-13T21:58:00.002+02:00

Sorry I didn't update more..

Tuesday I called and yelled and told hime to come get his shit. Hoped he would do something to stop me but he didn't.

We talked last night, it started like a break up talk, he said he doesn't want to do this to me anymore, said he made me miserable and he couldn't live with that. I told hime not to make this about me, told him if he doesn' want to be with me anymore, just admit it. We talked more and I told him I didn't mean to break up with him on the phone tuesday, I really thought he was going to stop me. We decided to talk more today or tomorrow. I sent him a txt message before, asked if he was ever coming home, he said he's still deciding.

more later... too tired to write...

Day 2

2008-12-08T18:19:00.003+02:00

Have the day of today and was going to take off to Tel Aviv for a night to get away and spend some time with Edwin. Wasn't up for it at all. I sleep fine but I'm tired all the time... So I decided to treat myself a little and went to the supermarket, got me some comfort food. Had a really good lunch and I'm going to the Taklit tonight for a couple of beers. Not too many though, been drinking way too much.

Mike and I spoke yesterday and today, mostly technical stuff, what he's doing, where he's sleeping. Last night I went out with Ariane for drinks and talk and we met him, we hugged and talked a bit, he was sober. Today was harder to talk to him, I really feel like I've been dumped. I've been there for him all this time, stayed even though I wanted to leave so many times, and he just left... Just doesn't feel right.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure myself out also. I realized that right now I'm too passive. If he comes back I'll probably say ok, if he wants to break up I'll probably say ok too... I don't know wha I want out of this. I know I can't go on like I did. Him getting drunk every night, disappearing for hours, I can't take it anymore.

Thank you guys for listening... I'm trying to take care of myself, been taking care of him for so long it's strange, but I'm trying...

Untitled

2008-12-06T22:10:00.002+02:00

I was waiting to have something to say. Didn't want to write a bitching post that wouldn't make sense. Friday early morning Mike came home, drunk again and we got into a fight because I yelled at the cat and he thought I was ylling at him. He punched a hole into my Ikea coffee table. Friday was horrible. I went to work and cried most of the day. We had a kind of conversation through text messages, he apologized, I got mad... Anyway he called and said he going through something, he doesn't even know what it is but all he wants to do is drink instead of dealing. Said we need to talk and he's getting off work around 2am but he has work early in the morning.

I was pretty sure I was getting dumped. I went out with Nir and Viki and got totaly drunk, can't remember the last time I was this drunk. He showed up and I yelled at hime, told hime if you want to break up grow some fucking balls and do it. he didn't say anything, Viki talked to him a bit.

Today he came home from work and said he needs to figure himslef out, needs to get away so he can think straight. He took a bag and packed a few things, went to stay at his friend's house for the week and he'll call me this weekend. He sent me a text a few minutes ago, said " Promise I'll fix me..".

So I order a pizza and made myself a cosmo and I'm watching a bunch of TV and sewing. I guess this could be a good thing, I need some time to myself too. It just sucks a lot right now and I'm still pretty sure this is the end.

It's been 2 months since my last confession...

2008-11-15T21:53:00.002+02:00

The truth is, for real, I couldn't deal with blogging. I'm serious. Mike and I were fighting none stop, I was in a bad place and I just couldn't talk about it. Nothing really happened, nothing major anyway, we just went through some bad times and it was mostly my fault. Maybe it was too big a change and I just overloaded. Trying to find yourself when there's someone right there with you all the time that needs you, it's not easy. Some times I just wanted to leave for a while, needing my head to myself. I'm not there yet by the way but I'm trying. We spent a week in Cyprus and that helped although we had some fights there too but nothing too bad. I'm so trying, I hope he sees that. Not easy waking up one day and realizing you've neglected yourself for 5 years because someone needed you... I always thought I knew what I wanted, turns out, not so much... Spent my whole life thinking I was a bass player, turns out I'm a drummer... private joke but you get it, right...?

Friday Night Lights

2008-09-19T18:09:00.001+03:00

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I realized not blogging was just making it worse, I kept trying to keep it all in and had no way to let it out. I was trying to ignore everything I was feeling. I mean, why should I be anxious, I should be happy!!! Right..? But I'm better now, I think when the cardiologist told me it was stress it kinda hit me that I had to take care of it. So I went to see the good doctor Monday, the medication he gave me is helping, I'm almost back to normal. Still have a few irregular heartbeats when I go to sleep but it's a lot better. He wants me to do another test with the medication to see the change and then I have to go back. He's robably going to keep me on the beta blockers for a while. He told me again this is caused by emotional stress and I have to work it out.

One of our bartenders is in fucking Spain for 3 weeks the lucky fuck... So I have to work a few nights a week, I agreed to that, but I didn't agree to work Friday!!! I don't even come to drink at Taklit (that's the bar - hebrew for The Record) on Friday it's so crazy!!! Wish me luck, better take my heart meds before the shift LOL! Cool thing is I only start at 9:30pm so I got the whole day to do nothing. Let y'all know how it went later!

p.s. those of you on FaceBook, Taklit has a page if you wanna check it out, my camera is busted so that's the best I can do right now. Sorry...

No Excuses

2008-09-13T12:01:00.002+03:00

Hi y'all, wouldn't blame you if you didn't give a fuck but here's a semi good reason why I wasn't around...

I'm having a lot of fun working at the bar and it's everything I wanted... and more... I started having heart palpitation and arrhythmia. My heart stops and starts again for no reason or it starts beating really fast even when I don't do anything. My mother had the same problem a few years ago, except she was about 50 when that happened..! I went to the doctor and she sent me to do a bunch of tests and see a cardiologist. the first thing she asked was if I was under a lot of stress lately... So I did the tests, ultrasound didn't show any problem and the second test, a 24 hour heart monitor was fun. Except 3 days after I did the test my doctor called me, on my cell to tell me I have to see a cardiologist as soon as possible. Now I was already having a bad day so you can imagine... I was at the bar when she called, alone thank god, I started crying like a baby. So I went to a cardiologist last week and he told me it was stress and anxiety, he gave me some medication that's not helping, I'm going back Monday for another test... Everyone keeps saying I'll be fine but I'm still worried, I know, I should calm down, that's the point...

I know I made a big change and I have to take it slow... Mike and I were going through a rough time lately but I think we worked it out. Still... I managed to give myself a heart condition by freaking out... I don't know, I am happy when I think about it, I guess it's just a lot to take all at once, I did kinda let myself go at my other job and didn't really have a life.

So I'm sorry I wasn't around, I'll write more, seems I need to get some things of my chest. Maybe if I talk about it more it'll help :)

But I'm Happy, Damn It!

2008-08-04T18:05:00.002+03:00

1. I'm a bad blogger but - I hate my computer, which is the main reason why I don't blog so much anymore, I need a new one bad!!!

2. Crazy Sis is owning her name, she now believes we're plotting to kill her. No joke, she called her dad and told him Mike and their mom are going to kill her... This has nothing to do with the fact she's off her meds and shacking up with a drug dealer in the worst town in Israel... yeah. Mescaline and bi-polar dissorder go so well togther!

3. Saturday both my pub and Mike's restaurant are having parties and I really don't want to go to his thing... mostly coz I love the people I work with but also coz I don't love the people he works with.... Don't tell him! I think we'll have to start there and then go to mine.

4. NIN is on tour and I'm jealous...

5. I know y'all told me it was normal but I really need to calm down, I had a fucking meltdown last week and I don't even know why... major self-confidence crisis... and everything is going so great... It's like my mind refuses to get with the program and feel good about everyhting already. Working in the shit hole before was like the devil you know, didn't expect much. I guess now I feel like I have something to lose.

I'm Alive!!!

2008-07-21T12:57:00.002+03:00

1. Sory about disappearing. I've been getting used to the new schedule and not spending 8 hours a day in front of the computer. BTW - my keyboard at home sucks and I need a new one!

2. I love my new job so much! I'm not kidding - I'm having so much fun it's ridiculous. No more policy crap, I work with AMAZING people and get to talk about music, art and books all day. I have bruises on my arms from carrying shit and my knees and feet hurt and I'm so fucking happy!

3. WTF moment of the day right here. Whatever you say man... Coz there's no rats on our side of the city... God, I saw one the other day coming out of the open market that could kill a small dog.

4. Cut my hair really short!!! I needed to change another thing, what's wrong with me? Anyway, I'll try to get pics but my camera died :(

5. Question - it's normal to feel insecure in times of change right...?

Missed y'all so much!!!

Yum-O

2008-07-07T13:50:00.001+03:00

Still can't believe I don't work in hell anymore... Let me tell y'all, I don't miss it at all, big surprise hu? I started my new job yesterday, I tend bar at The Record that's owned by some friends of mine, they decided to start opening earlier in the day and thought of me, don't know why, I always thought they hated me. I work downtown, takes me 20 minutes to get there instead of an hour and a half! I get to work with people I like, listen to music all day and I'm home by 10pm! Only thing is it's not a lot of money so I might have to find something extra to do. But, it's a start and since my ultimate goal is to have my own pub and restaurant, it's a step in the right direction. No?

Let's talk about something else for a second. Israel has been blessed lately, the food channel started showing 30 minute meals, you know Raeachaeaeal Ray. WTF is that?! Those recipes are HORRIBLE! It's like watching a 30 minute car crash! And I can't turn it coz I keep wanting to see how bad it'll get! I was just watching it now and she made a Korean BBQ with sauerkraut and sweet and sour sauce! This woman should not be allowed near food! And I'm nt even going to star about how annoying she sounds... How did she get so famous? I know what you're thinking, French people are so stuck up about food, and you're right! Me, I like everything, really! I'm not that kind of French, I swear. This shit, however, needs to stop... And she's going to have Gordon Ramsay on her show? She better watch it, he was probably sent by the French culinary institute to smoke her...

It's not me, it's you

2008-06-24T16:22:00.001+03:00

Things at work are getting so ugly I’ve been holding off posting because I knew it would just be a whole lot of bitching about work shit. I actually almost cried before leaving for work today. Altogether 12 people that I know of quit because of the pay cuts and our manager is taking this personally and making our lives hell. He’s now trying to make me stay an extra 11 days, too bad he signed my resignation letter that says my last day is June 30th, put that in your pipe and smoke it, bitch!

A local newspaper is running an article about our company. Goes a little something like this – “…future uncertain after hundreds of layoffs… the Jerusalem office, has lost an average of $4 million a year since its opening in 2002… …client confidence is starting to fall off… …confirmed that several clients had withdrawn their business recently… …CEO went overboard, and did irreparable damage…” you get the picture, this ship is sinking and I’m the fuck out of here!

I’m realizing how much of the stress in my life is related to working in this place. I started noticing it about 6 months ago which is when I started thinking of leaving. I’ll spare you the list but it’s long. I called in sick yesterday and was amazed at how happy I was just not being here. Anyway, no more work bitching!

Oh, RIP George Carlin – that really sucks…

Update – HR just informed me I can leave on June 30th – phew!

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-06-17T22:46:00.010+03:00

Unfortunately “The Red Album” was taken

"Death Magnetic. Metallica is actually trying to get people excited for an album named Death Magnetic. Kill 'Em All, Ride The Lightning, Master Of Puppets, ...And Justice For All, Death Magnetic?"

Seriously…? Death Magnetic…? Is it like magnetic death? Like death from a magnet? Like, I got hit by a magnet and now I’m dead? I don’t get it, someone explain it to me!

Half Full

2008-06-16T17:36:00.002+03:00

I know I wont have steady paycheck but here’s a few reasons why I’m (so fucking) happy I’m leaving my current job:

1. No more having to leave the house two hours before my shift to catch a bus.
2. No more driving through ugly, dirty and depressing ultra orthodox neighborhoods to get to work.
3. Not getting home at five minutes to midnight every night.
4. No more Mrs. Bitch.
5. No more cubicles, endless rows of cubicles...
6. No more sitting on my ass 10 hours a day.
7. No more having a headset strapped to my head 8 hours a day.
8. No more wearing my reading glasses 8 hours a day.
9. No more looking over my shoulder every time I want to check Facebook.
10. No more internet censorship.
11. No more feeling like the world, my life and everything else is passing me by.
12. No more STUPID QUESTIONS!
13. Never seen certain people EVER again.
14. No more fluorescent lights.
15. Not sitting next to the guy that farts all day anymore.
16. Not missing birthdays, weddings, family reunions because I didn’t ask for a day off 4 week in advance.
17. Seeing the sun set.
18. No more freezing in the summer and sweating in the winter because the AC is a piece of shit.
19. No more dress code (it’s 37c I’m wearing a fucking tank top you fucking fascists).
20. No more watching my language! Well, as much.
21. No more ‘corporate policy’ crap.
22. No more passive aggressive emails about watching your language, dress code, religious bullshit (including dress code) and corporate policy crap.

I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting… I’ll update later ;)

Couldn't have said it better myself...

2008-06-12T19:25:00.001+03:00

Just gave HR my notice... This is stuck in my head for some reason :)

F.E.A.R

2008-06-10T16:15:00.002+03:00

So Sunday I’m reading this interview with Trent Reznor and I read this quote: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it, I don’t even know why I’m saying this in an interview situation, but I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.”

The first thing I thought of was how does someone who’s done so much say that he’s governed by fear? Most of us will die dreaming of doing a fraction of what this guy has accomplished.

The ‘not good enough’ thing I get, 100 percent, that’s me. I’m never good enough no matter what. But I’ve always seen myself as fearless. I think that was only in certain areas. I was never afraid of what I felt, good or bad. I was never afraid of others challenging who I was. But in my professional life, yeah I guess I am afraid.

My parents (love them to death) are very negative people, the attitude around the house is that no matter what you do you’ll never be happy. Life’s a bitch and then you die. And growing up with this mentality fucks you up. So yeah, I never went to college (took a few courses and stopped), I never had a job I loved, never took a chance.

We’re getting closer to the date. July 1st is when I have to tell my boss I’m not staying, not taking the pay cut. Since last week I’ve been having a few doubts, maybe I should stay, maybe I’ll fail miserably and come back to the company begging for a job. The thing is, I can stay, they’ll be happy if I stay. But that’s the point, I need to do something that scares me. I need to challenge myself.

I remember reading in another interview with Trent that for him NIN was a way to challenge himself and to push his limits. “Nine Inch Nails was an experiment with me in discipline. I realized when I was 23 that I had never really tried anything. Schoolwork came easy to me. I learned to play piano effortlessly. I was coasting. I realized that I was afraid to really, really try something, 100 percent, because I had never reached true failure.”

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-06-03T18:19:00.002+03:00

What exactly is this supposed to be for…?

Work Sucks, People=Shit, etc etc…

2008-05-25T19:22:00.002+03:00

1. Been in a pretty meh mood lately things are going slow and fast, know what I mean. (I’m not on drugs, I promise)

2. We had a talk with the CEO or COO or CFO or something on Thursday, this company is going to hell fast, basically he fed us some bullshit and then announced we’re all going to have to take an 8% pay cut. According to Israeli law if there’s a worsening of work conditions you can leave with your full compensation payment – I think I’m gonna take that opportunity and cash in. I still have a month to think about it.

3. Shit-stain is living up to his name, the last time we saw Ariane she told us how his poker playing is taking over his life. One time she asked him to pay for her at the bar and he refused unless she promised to pay her back because it came out of his poker fund. Nice guy hu?

4. Thursday is the 3 year birthday party for Mike’s restaurant, it’s going to be a posh affair, they’re renting out a space at this club her in J-town. So I went shopping with my niece and got new threads and some new shoes – that was really fun. I’ve been partying way too much lately and it’s not over yet.

5. Holy shit Naama, from the last post, is fucking gone. I saw her last week and all she talked about for 40 minutes was how she called me 3 times (it was actually 2) and I didn’t answer and she thought I was angry with her. No matter how many times I apologized she kept talking about it. She also slapped me in the face (ME!) and fell into my lap demanding a kiss on the neck… WTF?!

A Bit Existential…

2008-05-15T17:22:00.003+03:00

Met an old friend of mine, Shiri, last night and we got to talk about how long we’ve known each other and how things have changed for us. Naama came up in the convo.

To make a long story short - Naama used to be my best friend about 10 year ago. Now, I don’t know why. Shiri and I were saying how we evolved personally and emotionally in the past 10 years and Naama seems to have regressed… it’s like she gave up on herself somewhere along the way. There’s no joy in her life, not even any fun. She looks and acts like a 43 year divorcee that has let herself go because there’s no hope. And she’s younger than me! She sits at the bar sipping her beer and looking tired and washed up. She talks about her job and her studies like it’s such a chore. She’ll beg you to ask for a certain song from the DJ instead of going up to him herself ‘come on please, I don’t want to go up there…’ and the sighs and the oys…

I look at all of us, we were always together, always at the same bar. Everyone was going through their own shit but we were together. These people were the first people in my life I called friends. And most of them still are my friends, Shiri, Ariane, Avi and I forget a bunch I’m sure. We all grew up in different directions but Naama kinda grew down.

As Promised

2008-05-12T12:44:00.000+03:00

Before - After -

Back!

2008-05-11T16:21:00.002+03:00

Hey y’all! Did you miss me? I sure missed you guys! I really did!!! Lots to tell…!

1. Back to work today, the bitch grabbed my arm on the way to tell me her daughter got engaged. So either HR did nothing about my letter or they didn’t mention my name and she’s over it. I’m going for option A.

2. Have a major headache from last night. The Old Friend is moving to a new location after the city kindly asked them to move since they’re demolishing the 100 some year old building it’s located in. My friends band played their very own brand of doom/thrash/whatever metal and the crowed destroyed the place completely, since the building being demolished anyway… not my kind of music, not my kind of behavior but I was there to support. Also had 4 beers and felt nothing but tired but more on that in number 3.

3. I wanna say Rosh Pina was good but I have to be honest. I’m a million miles away lately, I can’t focus, I can’t think straight and I can’t figure out why. So it was good being out of town and spending time with Mike and away from work. But my heart wasn’t in it. My heart’s not into anything lately. I hope I didn’t ruin anyone’s fun, I don’t think I did, Mike had a great time. Maybe my expectations of this little vacation were too high. Maybe it was the PMS. Maybe it’s the letter I sent to HR right before I left. I don’t know.

4. Last Friday I met up with Ariane and we talked a lot. She’s not doing so well lately and I’m so scared of getting sucked back in I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to push too hard coz I don’t want to overload like I did before. I do want to be there for her and I hope I’m doing that. She told me about another jealous fit her dear boyfriend had over some family friend of hers… I could’ve said a million things to make her feel better and to make him look good but I didn’t. I feel kind of guilty but I wasn’t about to make him look good.

5. Tomorrow is Nir’s birthday – god, help us all. He sent everyone a text message last night saying exactly this – ‘well, my B-day is Monday so if you want to see me getting shitfaced I’ll be at the Blue Hole from around 8pm till I pass out’.

Here I Go

2008-05-01T17:44:00.005+03:00

Happy May Day y’all! Don’t let you r bosses treat you like cattle EVER.

Since today is also Holocaust Remembrance Day I totally forgot about May Day right? So I come into the work and The Bitch comes up to me and gets in my face telling me I have to do a pre-shift meeting with my team (not telling me why) waving the meeting’s agenda in my face and telling me to tell the team members that there will be a test on this (wtf?) and they’re going to get their asses kicked if they don’t know this stuff. She used those exact words. Seriously. So I looked at her funny and took the papers. The meeting was supposed to start at 14:45 and she comes back exactly at 14:45 and starts again, I ask her what the problem is and she get even more upset, telling me she doesn’t want to make a scene (too late bitch!) so I take everyone to the conference room and like 2 people were a few seconds late and told me she snapped at them on the way in.

Now I explained this before – she is not my fucking supervisor, she’s not even on my fucking team, she can’t tell me what to do. So that was it. I told Pini form my team about a month ago that she only needs to push me so far before I do something, so I did it. I wrote a huge letter to the head of human resources about company policy regarding relatives working together on the same project. I told them what happened today and what’s been happening lately. Then I spoke to my friend who turns out is friends with the head of HR. and now I’m waiting.

I’m aware I might get fired for this. I have to say I don’t care anymore. I told a few people on my team and other teams and they said they will back me up, they’ve been waiting for someone to take a stand. So there. Made my move and now I wait.

Happy May Day to me!

Can't Get it out of my Head

2008-04-29T19:46:00.001+03:00

I’ve been doing this a lot lately but I don’t hear y’all complaining so… besides, Jenner inspired me. I’ve been singing this for 3 days straight and can’t stop listening to it! Enjoy!

Working on it...

2008-04-27T17:29:00.000+03:00

1. I hate blogging on Sundays, it always feels very lonely…

2. Had a couple of tearful fights and a couple of serious talks with Mike about work. One of those included him coming home around 2am. I turned on the bedroom lights and made him look in the mirror. (Thin as hell, pale, dark lines under his eyes). He finally realized what he was doing to himself and is going to talk to his boss. Cross you fingers y’all.

3. Next week – Rosh Pina!!! I can’t wait! 3 days, 2 nights, lots and lots of meat and beer! And quiet… I’m making Mike leave his phone off the whole time, I don’t think he’ll have a problem with that. We’re back Wednesday night for independence day (my favorite days of the year) which means more beer and more meat!

4. Check this! Crazy sis (who threw her husband out and doesn’t need anyone and is on her own and making a shit load of money) called Mike this morning and said she needed him to wire her 500 shekels and she can’t tell him why! LOL! And even better, when Mike said hell no she called her husband!!! He said no and asked her if she needed it to bail her new ‘friend’ (roommate she’s ‘not in a relationship with’) out and she hung up on him! This totally made my day…

5. I need a haircut BAD. I’m going Sunday and that’s it! Before and after pictures?

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-04-23T16:39:00.015+03:00

"Row over shepherd's pie ends in court"

"After a day spent drinking, Michael Garvin cooked his brother John the traditional English dish for dinner, expecting a grateful response. John, however, voiced his disquiet that the pie was not topped with a layer of sliced tomatoes.

His brother, a chef, claimed a layer of tomatoes was not the appropriate way to finish off a shepherd's pie, and responded by hitting him over the head with a shovel. "

Coz we all know how seriously the English take their food... Oops, my French is showing, sorry about that...

Double post day! Don't forget to go listen to the new NIN below!!!

Can't Get it out of my Head

2008-04-23T15:23:00.001+03:00

Brand new NIN - enjoy!

Keep Me Alive and Give Me Something to Lose

2008-04-21T19:27:00.001+03:00

Weekend was good. I got a few things to say though.

Friday night I met up with Ariane and Edwin, happy hour at the Blue Hole like good old times. I had so much fun. I was amazed really, just being around them I felt more like myself then I did in years. Ariane and I talked about stuff I’m not ready to talk about yet (don’t worry it’s hers not mine) so I wont go there right now.

I will however tell you what happened after we left the Blue Hole… we decided to move to Old Friend for a last drink before home and Ariane called shit-stain to ask if he was there, MF answered the phone "so how drunk are you?" And not in a good way… we get there and he’s in a shitty mood which I gracefully ignore and get another beer. I try to spend as much time as I can, talking to others coz I see Ariane and him are getting into an argument.

We all calm down and sit to have a beer and then my friend Evgeni from work shows up. Now, Evgeni studies classical guitar and last night I saw him he was trying to explain smtg to me about the piece he’s learning right now but all I could do was nod. Ariane on the other hand loves classical music, lives and breathes classical music since she was a baby and I thought he would enjoy talking to her. So I introduce them and they start talking, 2 minutes later I come back and they’re having so much fun talking about shit I know nothing about I was very proud. Now – I have to make sure everyone here knows – I was not trying to set them up, I didn’t even think about that, I just thought they have a common interest and they would have a great conversation – understood? Okay, resume. Shit-stain is in the corner making a face, she goes over to find out what’s wrong and he flies into a jealous rage like a 12 year old boy. I swear. There was yelling, gesturing and hitting tables. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it. Y’all know how I feel about this guy. I didn’t say or do anything. When she went out for some air I followed her and lit her cigarette and asked her if this had anything to do with me because he does that a lot when I’m around. She said no. I don’t remember what else she said, something about how he waited for her when she was in the loony bin and she found porn on his computer and was happy for him or something like that. I was pretty drunk. Then he showed up and I let them talk.

I spoke to Edwin on the way home and he said there’s nothing we can do – she has to make the journey herself. He’s right. I know he’s right, that’s why I didn’t say anything. I also know that it took her and me a year and a NIN concert to start feeling like friends again and I’m not gonna ruin that. Coz she might need me later. But I swear to god and everything I know, if he ever lifts a finger on her, I will break every bone in his body. Trust this.

Passover Fun

2008-04-17T18:28:00.003+03:00

Thought I’d give y’all a quick update since Passover is upon us and I’ll be gone for the next few days…

The horrid depression I was experiencing since Sunday kinda faded yesterday. I’m saying kinda coz I still feel all the same things only I don’t want to shoot myself in the face anymore. Thank you all for your kind words – you rock hardcore, I actually cried a bit reading the responses - don’t tell anyone! It’s been a while since I got depressed like that, reminded me of old times.

This is what my long weekend looks like k? Tomorrow I have to go to the market to buy food for the weekend – I actually thought I could avoid it as it’s probably going to be hell but I can’t. I totally miscalculated my timing being too busy getting depressed and all. I’m meeting Ariane tomorrow night for happy hour at the Blue Hole like back in the good old times, I’m very happy about that, I need some quality time with someone who actually understand when I talk and doesn’t just wait for me to finish so he can start talking about himself (yes I’m talking about you - Nir). Mike is working overnight (duh) and I got the night to myself (duh). Saturday night is Sedder and my family is going to my sister Rivka’s house, yes that’s the one who doesn’t allow non Jews in her house for Passover. So my older sister and I and our non Jewish husbands are having sedder together, should be fun.

The next day we’re going to my parents for lunch and after that Mike’s friend Jake is having a poker barbeque thing at his parents’ and we’re supposed to go if Mike isn’t working. So basically, were not going. I’m not bitter about Mike’s job, what are you talking about? It’s absolutely normal for me to sleep alone 6 nights a week. Anyway it’s also a friend from work’s B-day so it should be a fun night. So basically I’m going to be drunk 3 days straight – should be good!!!

Happy Passover Y'all!

I got something to say – I got nothing to say

2008-04-13T17:17:00.001+03:00

My mood alters from numbing despair to waves of hysteria and I don’t think it’s the diet or the weather so everybody stop telling me that. This isn’t the season, the weight loss, my birthday, the holidays or anything else for that matter. This has to do with the fact that for the past 2-3 years I’ve been working this shit job (with a nice pay check) so that Mike can find his niche, find his calling, find his passion and he did. And all this time I’ve been bitching about when’s my turn and here it is, it’s my turn and I can’t fucking move. I’m paralyzed and fucking scared no idea where to go. I’ve been using Mike, marriage and other circumstances as more GD excuses not to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do. I’m always either too drunk or too depressed or too busy or too tired. So no more of this shit, I gotta figure it out. No more waiting for the feelings to go away and moving on into the same dead end feeling – it’s my fucking turn.

That was a bit heavy but it had to come out. Thank y’all for listening.

The devil made me, only we never met...

2008-04-09T16:47:00.005+03:00

1. Mike’s family drama had to come back – it was too quiet lately. Crazy sis went off her meds again… Mike called her to yell at her that she forgot his birthday and she let him know her and her husband split up. She said he told her he can’t keep working and take care of her while she’s home smoking all his money away. She heard he doesn’t love her anymore. We’re not 100% on what happened but they both seem to be okay with splitting up. Only problem is he wants to go back to the states and she wont be able to stay in Israel without him, she’s in denial about that too. More on the story as it develops…

2. Mike’s birthday was really fun, we went to his restaurant for dinner and they wouldn’t let us pay. We ate meat and drank beer and whisky – heaven. Alex bought him shiny new chef uniforms and he’s so happy! Nir, having to spoil us all the time, bought him a new cell! They guys from my work got him some cool t-shirts and 3 bottles of Captain Morgan! I only got him cologne, a new shirt and the Blue Brothers DVD.

3. I hate my job.

4. I heart Agent Bedhead.

5. Must… Stop… Listening... To Queens… (of the stone age)

6. The restaurant is closing for a week for renovations next month so we’re thinking of taking off to Rosh Pina again with Nir – god I need a few days off…

7. Couldn’t decide which picture of JH is yummier so you get both.

Recipe!

2008-04-03T18:56:00.001+03:00

It’s been a while but last night Mike and I made the best beef stir fry… so here goes.

1 pound beef cut in thin slices (very thin, paper thin)
2 carrots cut in thin batons
1 cup chopped cabbage
1 cup chopped mushrooms
1 cup soy sprouts
2-3 spring onions, chopped
Vegetable oil

For the marinade –

¼ cup soy sauce
1 tblsp honey
2 cloves of garlic – minced

Marinade the beef for about 30 minutes and fire up your wok. Make sure the oil covers the wok, I made the mistake once not to oil my wok properly and it got ruined :( anyway, throw the beef in there and stir it around till it’s pretty much all cooked – don’t cook the shit out of it! When the beef is cooked, take it out of the wok and add just a bit more oil. Keep all the yummy juice from the beef! Then you throw in your carrot, stir fry for a few minutes till they’re beginning to get soft, then your mushrooms - stir fry for a few minutes, then cabbage - stir fry for a few minutes, then sprouts - stir fry for a few minutes. Then, add the beef back and stir in the spring onions. You can add any vegetable you like to this, I can’t have peppers but I’m sure they’ll be great in this. Also for a bit of heat you can add chilies- yum. We had that with some egg noodles and it was fucking awesome… Enjoy!

I'm not a Bitch, I'm THE Bitch, and it's Mrs. Bitch to you!

2008-03-31T17:49:00.002+03:00

Oy vey…

The drama at work got even more dramatic last week. Y’all aren’t going to believe this shit… my supervisors wife works in our project, she’s not supposed to and it’s against the rules but she does. Now, for anyone who doesn’t understand why those rules are there – we’re going to give you a bit of a demonstration.

When she was hired, she was on a different group and not under him, she still managed to get into a fight with his in-charge at the time and get her moved to another team. After a while I became in-charge and I always tried to be friendly with her and fake like her as much as I can so the same shit doesn’t happen to me. Boy was I right… last week she got her own supervisor fired. He was always a bit of a joker and sent jokes via email to everyone, mostly blonde jokes, stupid women jokes, we never really cared because he’s a great guy and just had a fucked up sense of humor. That bitch kept and printed out all the jokes he sent and went to HR, making him look like a sexist pervert and got his ass fired. The guy has 11 kids at home, he’s never done anything wrong to anyone, was always polite and friendly. And she got him fired. We are so shocked we don’t even know what to do right now. We want her out of here but her husband is now project manager so it kinda feels like there’s nothing we can do! In the meantime we’re all still being fake nice to her and it’s giving me a migraine today. I can only hide my true feelings for so long, I’m not very good at that…

One more thing – Pookie was talking about dreams. Last night I dreamed I came to work and they moved us to another, smaller area in a new building. The bitch and I each took a desk and we kept moving the desks all the time to try and get comfortable and I left for a minute and she changed it again. Then we started working and there was an earthquake (we have some earthquakes here, it’s not rare or anything). But it was weird coz I felt it before anyone else under my feet and then it got stronger and I hid under the desk but the desk was too small to cover me so I thought if shit starts falling I’ll just flip it over me to protect myself. Jess! Analyze me!!!

Visual

2008-03-27T12:14:00.001+02:00

I’ve always been jealous of photographers. And I don’t mean family photos I mean these people that have this amazing ability to make every day shit look poetic and magical. Especially living here in Jerusalem, there is so much to photograph. And I’m not talking just about historical landmarks either, this city is unique. So I decided I’m not gonna get any better at it by thinking about it and I just gonna start taking pictures. I’ll either get good or realize I’m not talented! Right? So here’s the first one. Enjoy!

Can't Get it out of my Head

2008-03-24T15:49:00.001+02:00

Saint Pat's Day Drama

2008-03-19T18:31:00.002+02:00

Holy shit what a day…

I’m starting to remember bits and piece of last night. Let me tell y’all, I don’t know what it is about Israelis and Saint Patrick’s Day but hell, we’re into it.

The first part of the evening was spent trying to ignore a group of about 20 American tourists, all about 18-19. There were 2 girls and the rest were boys, the two girls had the drunken slut thing down like nobody’s business. Girlfriend, if there’s 2 of you and 18 of them, you’re the center of attention anyway, k?

Anyway. Then my family showed up, my 2 bros and my mom as usual. My younger brother Zack was in a foul mood and walked out after 2 minutes. I had to drag him back inside and get him to talk to me. He’s having a hard time now that my other brother, Nick, has a girlfriend, he feel a bit left out. I had the same reaction when my older sister got married, it’s tough if you’re close. After that Nick announced to me that his best friend (who’s great a basically part of the family) came out and that he’s known forever and that his parents know and that he has a boyfriend… that kinda floored me, I’ve known this kid for years, I had no idea! But Nick was really cool about it and I’m very proud of him. Being religious it’s a hard pill for him to swallow and he’s being great.

Then the guys from work showed up, right away we got Irish car bombs for everyone. And that was after 3 pints and a shot, I was pretty happy let me tell you. I bought Nick his first car bomb, he downed it like a pro – I was very proud. And then there was Simon. Who decided since he doesn’t have a car he’s gonna get drunk. So we told Evgeni to get him drunk. See I forgot you should never challenge a Russian to get someone drunk! He ended up passed out in his plate of fries at Mike’s Place and then proceeded to vomit more than I’ve ever seen anyone vomit on the new Mike’s Place hardwood floors…

That brought about the end of our night. But I had a lot of fun and so did Mike, last year he was working on St Pats and he needed to catch up. now I’m sad, coz it’s over.

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-03-12T14:29:00.002+02:00

Female Muslim medics 'disobey hygiene rules'

'Female Muslim medical students at several hospitals in Britain are objecting to a campaign that demands more rigorous hand-washing (to stop the spread of dangerous bacteria), complaining that being forced to bare their forearms above the wrist is immodesty prohibited by their religion. Doctors cited in a February Daily Telegraph story said washing up to the elbow is crucial for safety. Some women at Birmingham University said they would change careers rather than comply.'

So they’re scared of defying god’s word by exposing their forearms but killing someone by infecting them with bacteria – that’s fine? Remind me never to get major surgery in a Muslim hospital...

Naked Dress Pics

2008-03-08T15:06:00.003+02:00

p.s. the guy in the white shirt is the boyfriend... I think...

Long Ass Post

2008-03-06T18:05:00.002+02:00

Okay here comes a whole lot of bitching and a long story.

I never talk a lot about work but this place is fucking nuts. It’s always changing, people being fired, demoted, moving to other project and other department and so on. Anyway, it’s happening again but this time I’m part of it. My supervisor got promoted without getting a raise (which is completely ridiculous) and me being the senior member of our team he dumped a bunch of responsibilities on me. Which is fine except I’m supposed to keep doing my work on top of everything else and I’m not getting a promotion or a raise either. I really didn’t expect this to happen and I’m guessing in a way I didn’t really want it. I know it’s good and they trust me and I might be supervisor (I still don’t think that’s gonna happen) but the point is - I don’t want to be here forever and this is really making me feel like I’m digging my own grave. I’ve been suffering from a lack of creativity in my life that’s really affecting my mood. This isn’t my dream and I feel like I’m running out of time to make it come true. I was fine today until I got here, it’s such a beautiful day, the sun is shining and it’s nice and warm for the first time in months. I got in here and people started talking to me and asking questions, now I got a headache and I feel like crying. It’s probably just temporary stress and I’ll get used to it soon. In the meantime – I just want to grab my shit and run out the building. I’m sure y’all know the feeling.

In other news I still owe y’all the wedding story so here goes. I told y’all about the Blue Hole Pub many times. I’ve been going there for about 10 years and the place has been open since the early 90’s. It’s one of my favorite places on earth and the owners and staff are by now good friends of mine. One of the owners, Eldad, got married to his girlfriend of 13 years last week. It was going to be one hell of a party.

Anyway, the wedding was out of town in a place called Gaash, about an hour and a half out of J-town. The couple organized a bus to take all us Jerusalemites there and back so we can drink ourselves to oblivion and not worry about a thing. We got there and the place was called Stoa concept house. I soon found out what it meant. The first room where we got some warm sangria that tasted like puke and out table cards was in a modernized Moroccan theme, which is fine. But the second room where the reception happened was a futuristic design nightmare. It was a long narrow room made up of different narrow levels. Every level had a steel rail with tiny white plastic tables with monitor in them every few feet showing a slideshow of the bride and grooms family album. It was the stupidest spaces I’ve ever seen. It was dark, stairs everywhere, the back wall was covered in mirrors so you thought it went on forever. The bar was on the top level and everyone had to wait in line because the levels were so narrow you couldn’t have more than 4 people on them at one time. I don’t think I let go of Mike’s arm the whole time and I kept repeating ‘this is freaking me out’.

Anyway after a few hours in that hell space I realized there was a long curtain on the lower wall and a faint purple light was coming from under it. Suddenly some very loud and very dramatic classical music started playing and the curtain wall started lifting revealing a huge white room. And I mean white. All white. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, the tables, the chairs, the bar, the freaking salt and pepper shakers. Everything white. I know what y’all are thinking – white wedding.

So the two got hitched and then we ate and then we drank and drank. Now this is a wedding party full of seasoned drinkers and pub dwellers. Within 1 hour or so the place ran out of single malt whiskey, the beer (thank god) was flowing. They had to move to cheaper stuff and that just made everything worse. After a couple of hours I turn around to see there’s a girl passed out of the floor behind us. Thus began a struggle to help this poor chick. Her friends tried to talk to her and she kept pushing them away, apparently she liked it on the floor. She liked it there so much no matter what we did, she ended up back down there. There were these huge (white) sofas right next to where she fell, so we lifted her up and tried to get her on the sofa, the bitch kicked everyone who was trying to help her (including yours truly) and ended up back on the floor. They tried to give her coffee, water, lemons, fresh air. She kicked and punched and stayed on the floor. I don’t remember how they got her back on the bus but I saw her Saturday at my birthday party and thank god – she didn’t remember me. She wasn’t rolling around on the floor though, that’s probably why.

This post is really long but I have to tell one more story from the wedding. The bride younger sister is a total slut. No really, she is. She came on to Nir like nobody’s business one night and he found out she had a boyfriend and she cheated on him all the time. Anyway. She’s always trying to upstage her sister (the bride). She came to everyone at the wedding, including Mike!!! Bitch. And her boyfriend was right there! That’s not the best part. The best part was her dress. Her naked black lace dress. That thing was so small I found myself watching her dance waiting for a Britney moment, if you catch my drift. The whole thing was black lace and flesh colored fabric so it basically looked like she was totally naked under the black lace. She had these hooker black laced up boots up to her knees. I couldn’t believe it… at her sister’s wedding… I have pictures somewhere of the naked dress - I'll post!

Besides that we had a great time. Really one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. The bus back to J-town was supposed to leave at 1am but Eldad said no fucking way and made us stay till the end.

Birthday Post

2008-03-03T18:09:00.000+02:00

I actually owe y’all a story from last week but this is more important.

I had the best birthday probably ever. I shit you not! Mike magically got both Friday and Saturday off. We went for burgers and a movie Friday night and had a great time. (Saw Jumper – not bad). Saturday we went to the restaurant and had big juicy steaks, Mike’s bosses gave us free appetizers and wine. Then we went to the Blue Hole for drinks…

All our friends showed, I think at one point we had around 25 people at our table. We drank SO much… only problem was half my family was there and we were all supposed to be at my nephew circumcision the next morning! Everyone got really drunk. My mother kept stealing the shots of Captain Morgan out of my hands. My nephew threw up. I tried to hook Nir up with a friend of Rachel that was there with her boyfriend (woops). I drank a B-52 and remembered how yummy those are. Also I remembered how happy they make you. We got home around 3:30 am and I crashed.

The next morning was painful and funny at the same time. We woke up on time and for the first half hour all I managed to say was “oh my god…” Rachel was woken up by her mother at 7am and she fell back asleep and turned her phone off so she was late. My poor brother slept 1 hour and went to work. His girlfriend looked like she didn’t sleep at all.

Anyway – I had a great birthday, wish it was longer!!! Go to facebook for pictures. Thank you all for your birthday wishes!

Baby Talk

2008-02-24T16:07:00.000+02:00

Pretty uneventful weekend except my sister gave birth (I have 3 sisters – I know, it’s hard to keep track…). Mike and I went to the hospital and I was asked if I wanna stay for the birth, I politely declined and stayed outside the delivery room. I came in as soon as I heard the baby scream, he’s the cutest and fucking huge! Everyone was telling me Mike and I are next and asking when and shit. I fucking hate that.

So I’m sitting there with this new baby in my arms and as I’ve done many times before I’m trying to feel that feeling (almost) all women have – that they HAVE to have a child. I’ve been doing this for a while, pretty much since I met Mike. I never wanted to have kids, I know how hard it is on your body, your life, your relationship, your bank account and so on… I’ve seen every aspect of having a kid and it doesn’t attract me at all. One of the things I know is you really gotta want it. The thing is – if I felt like I wanted a baby, if I really wanted it – I would totally do it. But I don’t… Is there something wrong with me?

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-02-20T18:39:00.003+02:00

Homosexual activity cause of earthquake, Parliament Member says

'The Talmud mentions a number of causes of earthquakes, one of which is homosexuality, which the Knesset legitimizes,' Benizri says regarding last Friday's tremor.

This isn't making me NOT wanna have gay sex... if you know what I mean...

ALSO -
Please turn your attention to Scissors Happy’s new blog – Blacklisted. You can submit your own rants and it’s SO much fun!

Sick and Stuff

2008-02-17T16:08:00.000+02:00

Was out all week with the flu. Particularly nasty one. Lots of fever and general wishing I was dead. Mike was a sweetheart and took care of me. The fever wasn’t so bad though – didn’t see any dead people or have Vietnam War flashbacks this time. I hear you laugh but can you imagine having a conversation with a dead relative in your room at 4am? Anyway. I did become completely obsessed with having one of my tattoos removed for some reason. I was going to start calling laser clinics to find out how much it would be to remove it. Then I decided to have it covered. I don’t know what that was about. When the fever dropped, so did the obsession.

Last night I found my old journals – I didn’t even remember I kept them. I used to write everything that went through my mind – and I mean everything. I spent a few hours going over them and it was kinda hard. I was in a pretty bad place when I wrote most of this stuff. Maybe that’s why I stopped writing like that – it was too much. It made me want to stay home and write all day. Not face the world, just the world inside me.

But I feel much better now. Got back to work today, not even 1 of my dear team mates asked me where I’d been or how I was or even said hi to me. Gotta love that. I don’t know why my supervisor always chooses the weirdest fucking people for our team. Whatever.

Can we have summer now?

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-02-06T17:13:00.000+02:00

In January, the Centre for Recent Drawing art gallery in a London, England, suburb scheduled a series of 55 works by artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, called "Spent," even though they consist merely of canvases onto which he had ejaculated and covered with carbon sprinkles. McKenzie maintained that the works were "heartfelt and delicate."

Gosh… Where do I start…?

Diane

2008-02-03T17:51:00.000+02:00

Facebook got me back in touch with one of my favorite people in the world. She lives in town but for some reason we lost contact with each other. I met Diane during my Stardust days, basically meaning I don’t remember when. These few years are just a blur of alcohol and depression, kinda like the Self Destruct tour but with less hot guys and with bad music. But I do remember how I met her.

I’ve never met an American who knew who the Manic Street Preachers were so I’ll explain. The Manics are huge in the UK, big in Europe and relatively popular in Israel. That band was a major influence on my life, the lyrics talk about everything I was experiencing back then and helped me deal with a lot of this stuff. (NIN came after, when Manics weren’t enough anymore but that’s a different story). Anyway my dear friend Avi, who owns the Stardust, loved them too and would play them once in a while. The lyrics were sad and angry but the music was upbeat and rocking. So there I was minding my own despair when the song “Stay Beautiful”. Now this is one of my favorite songs, the chorus goes (don’t laugh) ‘don’t want to see you face, don’t want to hear your voice, why don’t you just…’ instead of what should be there is a very loud guitar reef. The Manics always said they were attention whores and they wouldn’t want to risk their song not being played on the radio so they replaced the ‘fuck off’ with some sounds. But – any real manics fan screams ‘fuck off’ as loud as they can when singing the song. When the chorus hits I notice I’m not the only one yelling ‘fuck off’ and when I investigate I meet Diane. More or less in the same state of mind I was in at the time. We talk about Richey Edwards– the band guitarist who disappeared on February 1st 1995. I quickly found out she was cutting too and tried to help there. We became friends because of the band and the cutting but it turned into something a lot better.

Over the years, kinda like me, she managed to shake the demons and get her life on track. She went to the army and now she’s studying fashion design in the best school in the country. We used to see each other once in a while and it was always – I’ll call you, we’ll have a drink – but nothing happened. Anyway, then some guy called Trent decided to come disturb my perfect life and give a concert in the holy land. Diane didn’t want to go but her friend dragged her to the concert and we met there. Since then we talk on facebook all the time. Last week we met for drinks and hung out with Mike and my niece Rachel, I took her to the Old Friend because she was always scared to go there and she had a great time. Mike spoke to her for hours and said he never knew how cool she was. That’s the thing about her, she doesn’t look like much but once you give her a chance she becomes one of your favorite people.

Snow in J-town

2008-01-31T17:46:00.000+02:00

Stranger Things Have Happened

2008-01-27T15:42:00.000+02:00

One of the things I’m thankful for lately is having Ariane back in my life. You all have a pretty good idea of what our relationship has been like. Up and downs, we’re best friends and sometimes best enemies. I’m glad we both decided to let go of the past and stay friends. Friday night we were talking and drinking a lot and she said she was glad shit-stain gave her a ring because that way it keep most guys from coming on to her. I’d been meaning to ask her about the ring before but didn’t want to push. She said she’s never getting married though and I knew that. Then she said something about having kids. Now you must know – she NEVER wanted to have kids, it was one of the things she knew 100% - she would sooner get married than have kids. So I put my beer down and ask her ‘you wanna have kids?’ trying not to sound too surprised. She says yeah and says it’s all shit-stain’s fault, he wants to have kids and he convinced her. She wants one or two kids. But not 3 because shit-stain already has 2 kids from a previous marriage.

You all know I don’t like shit-stain. You know I accepted him as part of her life and so far he’s been supporting her and helping her get better and I can’t argue with the results. I kinda cringed when she said once that he was the one. Deep down I always felt like something is missing and it’s not gonna last. I’m not proud of that but I can’t ignore how I feel about this.

I guess for most people the decision to have children would seem like a life affirming positive change. It’s not the kids part, it’s the fact that she was so sure about not having any and now she’s picking out baby names. People can change their minds, I know, but is this something you can just change your mind about? It’s just feels like too much of a change.

Maybe it’s me, maybe the changes and events around are exaggerated by my weird mood. But I have to say a lot of people are acting out of character and it’s not helping my feeling of isolation.

Rehab is the New Black

2008-01-20T20:07:00.000+02:00

Shrinks call it a personal inventory or an emotional inventory some shit like that. I think I heard it as part of the 12 step program. My friend Avi started posting weird Facebook statuses like ‘Avis is living the first day of the rest of his life’ and such. So I asked him, half jokingly if he was in rehab and turns out my dear friend has made a decision to give up the drink. He said he couldn’t go on the way he was and he was really unhappy. He said it wasn’t about being addicted it’s about the way of life. Did I mention he owns 2 of the most successful bar in J-town? He said he wants a different life and new goals. He can’t act like a 23 year old forever and he needs a different ambition. He’s my age, has 2 successful businesses and he needs a new life. My thoughts – can I take his place? I’m about to turn 32 and I feel like I’ve wasted my life so far battling ghosts inside my head. Trying to get over crippling depression and self esteem issues and just have a fucking job, relationship, smile on my face. I don’t even have a degree or a driver's license. I get his dilemma but I kinda want to shake him and show him how lucky he is. All I can say is I hope you find yourself Avi.

WTF Moment of the Day

2008-01-07T15:26:00.000+02:00

Man Eats Dog To Protest Animal Cruelty -

"A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi — the breed of dog favored by Queen Elizabeth II — to protest the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family."

That a little extreme...

"It was minced with apple, onion and seasoning, turned into meatballs and served with salad, but McGowan said: 'It's disgusting. It's really, really, really disgusting'..."

Yeah dude - that’s why we don't eat dogs...

Some good news, at last!

2007-12-30T16:11:00.000+02:00

Alex called me last night, started talking to me about some show and a quote he couldn’t remember. Then he says ‘oh, by the way, Barb and I are engaged’. I was actually speechless. He didn’t tell me anything about it, didn’t tell me he was planning it or even thinking about it! And then he just shoves it into this blah conversation as item #3. That bastard. He said he cooked her dinner, got wine and candles and everything. Then he asked her if she wanted to be with him forever and when she said yes he took out the ring. So cute! I’m so happy for them, they really are perfect for each other, she is so great… now I have to tell Nir, I must do it in a controlled environment otherwise the consequences will be disastrous. I’m talking binge drinking and sleeping with that weird fat girl again! I remember when I told him Alex had a girlfriend he said something like ‘my turn now’. I agree but he should really stop all this destructive behavior before he finds her… more on that later.

I’m so happy!

Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-26T19:13:00.000+02:00

Merry Christmas y’all! I hope everyone had a great Xmas. I had 5 days off work and I feel MUCH better. Thanks everyone for your kind words and holyday wishes. You guys rock, but you already know that ;)

Bad news first – Alan’s brother passed away early Saturday morning. The wait is over. Listening to Sheera go through this was the hardest thing… especially considering she was on the other side of the world and I couldn’t really do anything to help.

Had a great time during the past 3 days, Mike got the time off work and it was the first time in a long time we actually spent some real time together. We went to lunch and a movie on Sunday, had dinner at my sister’s on Monday and on Tuesday our friends came over and we exchanged gifts. Mike got a bit sad about the fact that he was family-less but he got over that soon. We had a really great time, we ate and watched movies and everyone was happy. No dramas, no crazy sisters yelling, nobody getting offended because of religious content. Just like I was hoping it would be. If I didn’t believe in Santa before – I do now, not only did we get the box of Christmas presents Mike’s parents sent in time but I got what I wanted – Mike had a great time :)

Sadness

2007-12-18T17:05:00.000+02:00

It’s always harder for me to blog when bad thing happen. It’s like I don’t want to relive everything in here. Does that make sense? Anyway. I don’t know if y’all remember my friends Sheera and Alan, his brother has been sick for a little more than a year. Leukemia. His dad died a few months back in the middle of everything. They found a donor for his brother but it didn’t work and well… they’re over there basically waiting for him to die. I can’t even imagine what they’re going through right now and I’m here reading her emails every day, trying to keep her going. Mike’s aunt found a lump in her breast and when they took it out they found out the cancer had spread everywhere… Ugh. So forgive me if I’m not updating as much, I just don’t have the strength. I will keep reading and commenting – promise!

Weekend Report

2007-12-09T16:16:00.000+02:00

Friday: fucking cat kept me up all night and I couldn’t get back to sleep after Mike left for work. So I basically slept about 2 hours then 30 minutes then 1 hour than 1 hour and a few minutes. Anyway, I got up, went to the market and got some pork chops, potatoes and a chicken. Didn’t rain on me so I was happy. Got back home, scared the shit out of the cat with the vacuum, sweet revenge. This is after I spent 45 minutes trying to remove a ball of cat hair the size of my fist from the tube thingy. Cleaned up the house and took a nap. Now, I’m not a big nap person, I usually prefer 5 cups of coffee coz a nap makes me feel groggy but this nap was fucking amazing. Saved my day, I felt so much better after it! Anyway, Mike got home from work, we had pork chops and mash and some much needed sex. Then we got pretty and went to town to meet Nir.

Nir is going through something weird, he says he got his confidence back, I say he’s turned into an asshole. He’s walking around with this “I’m better than all y’all” attitude, makes me wanna beat the crap out of him. But it won’t last, he’s gonna crash back down to earth soon, either that or I’ll get him back down.

Anyway, a few hour and a few pints later I slipped going up t6he stairs and fell of my knees and slammed my arm on the Old Friend’s metal door, I got a huge painful bruise on my arm and it hurts just to think about it. In my defense it was a combination of bad boots, wet steps and a lot of beer. Anyway to make amends for being a jackass all night Nir gave me his credit card and sent us to Zuni, but they didn’t have my favorite and I ended up with a nasty feta sandwich I hated. Mike and the others got a Zuni Burger (the best in town since Mike started making them) and I stole bites.

Back home around 3 I spent about an hour with my head in the toilet, I blame the feta sandwich, I wasn’t that drunk. And then got some sleep

Saturday: Mike and I sent some time in the Christian quarter looking at the decorated shops, we bought some Christmas decorations and had some food. We followed the smell of grilled meat and ended up in this tiny shop, they had the best grilled chicken I’ve had in years. We got home and baked sugar cookies and finished decorating the house while watching The Santa Clause 2. I roasted a chicken and some potatoes and we had a nice quiet night. No falling down stairs, no throwing up.

Sunday: I’m at work. Did some Christmas shopping and I need more coffee.

Happy Chanukah!!!

2007-12-04T21:07:00.000+02:00

Today is the first day of Chanukah and it’s my favorite Jewish holiday. Except I don’t think we have candles and Mike and I already gave each other our presents so I think we ruined it… we’re just so busy… I got him a comic book and he got me a belt I desperately needed. I’m gonna try to find some candles at the 24 hours store near our house, I’m sure I’m not the only one who forgot the holiday. Anyway, we managed to decorate the house for Christmas at least, it’s not done yet but we have the tree up and a few other things. I love to light the menorah when the tree is all lit, it’s so cool. All our friends want to come over and see the house decorated for Christmas, no one does that here so they want the experience. Anyway – have a happy Chanukah everyone! Don't eat too many Latkes!

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-11-28T16:53:00.000+02:00

The prominent Rotterdam Natural History Museum in the Netherlands, which houses over 300,000 species, announced in October that it was missing a particular one that it fears is dying out: crab lice (pubic hair lice). In a June science journal article, researchers had hypothesized that the "Brazilian bikini wax" was in part responsible for the scarcity; said the museum's curator, "Pubic lice can't live without pubic hair."

Quick! Somebody get Paris Hilton on the phone!

Less Facebooking, More Blogging!

2007-11-25T16:41:00.001+02:00

Thursday – woke up, got some coffee and went to the open market. Got a ton of food and headed back to the house. Then we cooked for about 5 hours straight – holy shit. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but by the end my feet hurt, my back hurt and I really didn’t want anything to eat! But – the dinner was great, everyone enjoyed the food, the stuffed turkey breast was amazing! One small thing – we had no wine because Nir didn’t show up… he’s gonna pay – do not worry. Crazy sis was an absolute angel, she came early and helped us with everything from cooking to setting the table. Mike and her were a bit sad, it was he first thanksgiving without her parents, but altogether the night was a success.

Friday – woke up, cleaned the house, mike was at work from fucking 5am – they run this restaurant like mob op I swear. We were supposed to get together to set up the Christmas tree and decorate the house. Crazy sis showed up early, then her husband showed up, and Mike was late. I had a mini breakdown. I’d had horrid nightmares all the night before and it put me in a very bad mood. Then crazy sis’s husband asked to use the shower, shaved and left his nasty stubble in the sink. Then he helped himself to leftovers without even asking. He went on the computer and logged into his facebook, again without asking, so I snapped. I turned off the computer, turned off the light in the computer room and closed the door. Motherfucker was back there 5 minutes later, turned the computer back on and went online again! Mike showed up shortly after and was ready to tell them to go home but I got out of my funk and we got the tree up.

Saturday – the living room looked like Christmas exploded in it. I had some coffee in my new snowman mug crazy sis got me and continued decorating the house, watched some TV and had some leftovers. Then I realized I hadn’t been out since I got sick last and I called up Daniel and he was more than happy to join me. I thought I was just gonna drink and vent but I turned out to be an amazing night! Met a bunch of friends and my niece Rachel, drank a lot of beer and Mike even joined us when he finished work. Got to bed at 4am and therefore I’m hungover, but it was worth it.

All I have to do now is get into the Xmas spirit…

Monday Morning (actually it's 16:50)

2007-11-19T16:50:00.001+02:00

So, thanksgiving is Thursday… I have to cook for 7 people… it was supposed to be a nice quiet thanksgiving with my friends but no… seriously I just want it to be over. We’re a bit tight with money lately so I’m getting everyone to bring shit. Although I don’t think I can trust crazy sis to bring anything. I remember last year we did this Christmas party/craft nights and they were supposed to bring 3 bottles of soft drinks and they brought half a bottle of coke… Nir is in charge of wine because his uncle has this amazing wine store and he said he might not come because his job is doing this trip and last year he was so drunk by the end of it he couldn’t even drive home. I’m sorry but that’s not a valid excuse to miss thanksgiving dinner! I don’t know how I’m gonna make all the food with one tiny oven. This is what I have planned – butternut squash soup, mushroom stuffed turkey breast, the regular sides (mash, sweet potatoes, green beans) and an apple pie for desert (Mike hates pumpkin pie).that’s not so bad right? I’m thinking of getting Alex to do the mash and the buttermilk biscuits. Oy… I’m really looking forward to Friday coz that’s when we get the Christmas decorations out!

So I’m at work, hoping for rain.

Quicky

2007-11-14T21:11:00.000+02:00

quick update coz i'm sick and miserable (again)...

1. I'm sick of getting sick from the fucking AC at work, I'm going doing to maitenance Sunday and kicking some ass.

2. Crazy sis and husband are back and they both seem happy and excited to be home. They had a horrible time in the US but more on that later.

3. Mike got a promotion to go with that raise and he's very proud, so am I, I knew he would do great :)

4. More later, going back to vegging on the couch... love y'all!

Oh. My. God.

2007-11-04T15:11:00.000+02:00

I guess this couldn’t have lasted to long. The Mike family drama is back on. I can’t remember if I told y’all everything that’s been happening in the US with them but here’s a brief recap for those of you who smoke too much weed.

It started when Mike’s older sister, (we call here bitch sis because she called me a bitch about 65 times one night when she got drunk and accused me of trying to destroy their family), went to Turkey for a few days and the Israeli authorities wouldn’t let her back in the country so she went back to the US. Then Mike’s parents got deported after being accused of doing missionary work, which is illegal in Israel. Mike’s younger sister (we call her crazy sis coz she is) and her husband decided to move back to the states as well coz they were planning it anyway. So mike was left alone here with me.

Bitch sis and crazy sis were suppose to move in together in NOLA and live happily ever after but that lasted about 2 days when crazy sis got freaked out about NOLA and said bitch sis was into voodoo (and crazy sis is into Jesus) so they had a huge fight and crazy sis left the house with nothing but the clothes on her back (and no shoes) and they never spoke again. After that crazy sis and husband were in Boston with her husband’s uncle for a while, that didn’t work out. Then they moved to NYC and everything was great but they were staying with some people and that didn’t work out either. Crazy sis couldn’t find a shrink that fit her, one wanted to admit her to a mental institution, the other would give her meds she needed to keep her bi-polar in check.

So Mike gets a call early this morning, around 1am EST, and it’s crazy sis’s husband. It’s not working out and they’re thinking of moving back to Israel. I was really trying to keep from laughing out loud… for years they’ve been living off Mike’s parents, she hasn’t worked longer than a week in about 6 years. Okay, she was sick for a while but that ended last year. All she does is sit home, smoke hash and alienate everyone in her life. Now she’s asking Mike if they can stay with us for a while when they get back! They thought things would change for them in the states, I told Mike, they’re the ones who need to change! She lived off her parents, then she lived off her friends, then off her husband and then she tried to live off her sister. He’s been trying to take care of her but she’s getting increasingly impossible. I saw her before they left and she was off her meds. She spent most of the time getting high in my kitchen.

Mike is happy that he’ll have some family here for the holidays and I’m happy for him, really. I’m just worried she’s going to fight with us too. Mike and her were always close and seriously, he’s they only one she listens to. She’s great when she’s clean and on her meds, kinda like Mike. People with bi-polar disorder tend to go straight to drugs to stay up even though without the drugs they’re still better than any of us. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll have more on that later… they said they’ll be back before the 13th…

By the way - Mike’s been doing so well lately. He’s being really careful about his alcohol intake and the job really helps focus him. I’m very proud of him. I really hope hi sis can do the same.

Update Time!

2007-11-01T15:49:00.000+02:00

1. Between the new recruits at work and the kippah I have to crochet for my brother I had no time to blog. I’m very angry at my supervisor for promoting a certain person to our team, I don’t have a problem with him I just don’t think he fits the bill and oh, yeah, he’s a moron.

2. Halloween in J-town sucks. The Old Friend had a Giants of Metal night, Mike’s Place had a Halloween party but I was at the Blue Hole with Edwin and it was a regular Wednesday night. No decorations, no special drink, just 1 waitress with devil horns and she took it off real quick when she noticed she was the only one.

3. The Greek play that is Mike’s job continues. Let me try to sum up – last month Sheli ended up in the hospital and wasn’t working for 3 weeks, got her ass fired and rehired. All this time Mike and the others had to cover for her working endless shifts, the longer being 17 hours long at the end of which the chef burned her arm really bad and ended up in the ER. Now that things got a bit better Keren walked out or was fired, no one’s sure, and Mike has to cover for her tonight and god knows how many other nights. He was supposed to have a well deserved day off but no… Hey, at least he’s making a lot of money.

4. Just found photos of my boss from last night wearing a school girl uniform reinforcing the theory that Halloween (and Purim) are just excuses for some women to dress as slutty as possible.

5. Only 53 days till Christmas!!!

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T17:23:00.000+02:00

Leave Her Alone!

2007-10-28T13:27:00.000+02:00

This is the reason I love my people so much. Whether you agree or not this is too funny!!!

The Origins of Sarah Reznor

2007-10-24T15:08:00.000+02:00

Since nothing (absolutely fucking nothing) interesting is happening in my life I thought I should tackle a few universal subjects on the sector to keep y’all interested.

You all know Reznor is not my real last name and like a lot of people online I remain partially anonymous by using Trent’s last name as my own. And while like Pookie Sixx and Mrs. David Lee Roth the name does come from my eternal devotion to that animal fucking band and its creator, that’s not how it started.

A few years ago Ariane and I were sitting at the D1 pub getting our drunk on and there was a young man by the name of Zahi DJ-ing that night. We were busy working on our next alcohol coma when a Nine Inch Nails song started playing. Now, this might seem like a normal thing to you guys but for some reason hardly anyone plays NIN in bars here, you might hear some at a party but not in a bar. So Ariane and I got up right away and went to check who made our dreams come true and our night worthwhile and that’s how we met Zahi. That very night we talked about NIN a lot and he found out I was missing one album in my collection (Broken). He looked through his the CD’s he had there, found the one I needed and gave it to me. I told him I’d burn it and give it back but he said no way, burning NIN is a sacrilege and this is a present, you deserve it. No matter what I said he wouldn’t take it back.

So we started hanging out with Zahi and he quickly became one of our favorite people. When it came time to exchange phone numbers he took mine and saved it as Sarah Reznor, to better remember who I was. It quickly snowballed and Sarah Reznor is on a lot of cell phones in J-town. People know me as the die hard NIN fan and not necessarily Mrs. Trent Reznor although some people, who shall remain nameless for their own safety, are still convinced it would be better for everyone (especially Mike) if Trent and I never met. If you know what I mean… The NOTHING tat I got a couple of years ago only made matters worse…

So that’s it. Then Pookie came up with Rez and I started using La Reznor because of La Lohan and La Lopez I thought it was cool. Then there’s also SR and Mrs. Reznor. To me Sarah Reznor is just me, no apologies, no sugarcoating, say what the fuck I want and deal with it. Even thought I try to do that every day, I learned to tone myself down a bit so I can have friends/relationships/a job. But I still love my alter ego ;)

Back in Black

2007-10-21T15:43:00.000+02:00

Okay here I am, was home all last week sick and I still had no energy to blog, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I lost it… AAAAAAAHHH!!!! I have nothing to live for!!!!!

Anyway, as I said I was sick all week, the AC at work fucking killed me. Stuffy nose, fever, the whole 9 yards. But it was nice to stay home, watched a lot of sci-fi – a lot. Started to go crazy a little bit. Made some soup. Butternut squash pumpkin soup . Didn’t spend any time with Mike coz he was working all week. Poor baby worked so hard. But it was worth it coz him bosses fucking love him now and he got a raise! Yay Mike! Also he might get a day off this week… poor baby…

Alex came back from the US and brought us a few presents. For some reason he got me a bottle of 15 year old Glenn Livet… I don’t know why, I hate scotch. He said he remembered that I liked it last time he gave me some. I tried it Friday night and wasn’t able to have more than a sip… I’m more of an Irish Whisky kinda gal. He also got Mike a bottle of Jack although Mike swore off Jack a while ago, apparently it induces blackouts. So yeah, Alex was a bit off his game. He got me a T-shirt that says ‘Vader was framed’ which is funny but I really hate star wars. Whatever… Oh – he got mike a T-shirt that says ‘never trust a lady with a moustache’ and we’ve been trying to figure out where that’s from, anybody knows..?

I’m sharing with you my recipe for butternut squash pumpkin soup, it’s fucking amazing and perfect for fall.

1 medium leek, chopped.
1 medium butternut squash diced
1 can pumpkin
About 4 cups chicken stock
½ cup heavy cream
Ground nutmeg
Salt
Pepper

K, put some olive oil in a pot and cook the leek for a few minutes till it softens. Add the butternut squash and cook for another 3 minutes. Cover with chicken stock, bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer till squash is soft and falls apart. Remove a third of the liquid and blend till it’s all creamy and has no more lumps. Return to the heat and add the can of pumpkin and the cream, season and add ground nutmeg (I like a lot of that stuff just do it to taste). Cook for another 10 minutes and enjoy!

I’m making that shit for thanksgiving dinner!

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-10-14T14:51:00.000+02:00

"This handout computer graphic image by designer Koki-woong shows a toilet-shaped house in Suwon, 40 kilometers south of Seoul. The house owned by South Korean sanitation activist Sim Jae-Duck will be open on November 11 to mark the launch of the World Toilet Association."

His summer house is a bidet…

Read more here.

Things I know after watching TV for 5 days straight

2007-10-08T15:00:00.000+02:00

1. Kyle XY – belly button or not, I could stare into Matt Dallas’ eyes for days – truth.

2. CSI – a severed head wearing a football helmet rolling down a highway is not proper dinner entertainment.

3. Heroes – Milo Ventimiglia is hot. But I kinda already knew that from Gilmore Girls.

4. Reaper – is good when Kevin Smith is the consultant, but it’s great when he’s directing it.

5. The sofa is more comfortable than the office chair, though both get kinda tired after a while.

6. Popcorn rules.

7. I’m a TV addict.

8. Iron Chef America makes me hungry, Iron Chef Japan makes me wanna throw up.

9. after 4 days you get cabin fever and have to go out and get drunk with 3 dimensional people.

Thanks Jamie!

2007-10-02T14:43:00.000+02:00

Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.

Stupid Holidays…

2007-10-02T14:21:00.000+02:00

Another short week for us in the holy land. I don’t get why all the holidays have to be crammed together in one fucking month. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkoth! After that we have to wait till fucking March for Passover and some more time off work. Apparently Hanukah is not important enough to get time off work. Good thing I married a Christian and I get to celebrate Christmas! But I digress. Mike has the day off tomorrow (finally!!!) and so do I! I really didn’t want to spend another 4 day weekend alone in front of the TV.

Nir’s taking me out tonight and Mike is staying home. That’s part of the new agreements we made the other week after a lot of fighting (which I’m still not talking about). We realized we both need to have alone time, something we rarely do because if we have time off we usually spend it together. So I get to drink my weight in beer and not worry about him – fun! Worrying about Mike is all I fucking do lately, I need a break.

I need shoes and a coat before it starts getting cold and I am broke. I guess I could squeeze another year out of the coat my sister made me, it’s pretty basic and I love it so... but the shoes I have to get! All I have is a pair of vans and the huge knee high boots Nir got me last year for Christmas, Mike calls them the ass kickers! So yeah – send me money for shoes!!!

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-10-01T16:47:00.000+02:00

Police Investigate Bizarre Emergency Call From Bishop

"Dispatch Authority reported that Pelotte told operators "...gentle little people, about 3 to 4 feet tall, and wearing Halloween masks" were in the hall. He also described them as strangers and said they had been there three hours and didn't want to leave."

Riiiight... Trick or treat anyone? I'm going straight there to watch him freak out!!!

I got nothing…

2007-09-24T19:09:00.000+02:00

Seriously nothing…

1. Let’s see, had a pretty bad week last week but I really don’t wanna relive it so y’all will forgive me. We worked it all out though.

2. Everyone around me is having a bad day except me – WTF, it’s usually the opposite! My supervisor is taking a few days off this week and the next so that means I will be the man during that time. That means more work but also more freedom and more interesting stuff to do.

3. It’s getting colder out, I fucking love it. The older I get the more I realize I’m a winter person. Besides, winter means thanksgiving and Christmas – what’s not to like?! Plus food is better in the winter. I’m making shepherd’s pie and cranberry glazed turkey breast this weekend. i don't care that thanksgiving is 2 months away!

4. Oh, Sukkot (pronounced – soo-kot) is upon us but Mike is working every night this week so no celebration for us. I might go to my parents’ alone, we’ll see.

5. (update) Added a yummy firefighter for ya'll to enjoy. (Not you Slick - although what you do in your mind is your business ;) )

See? Nothing...

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-09-19T16:15:00.000+02:00

"Bloodied 70-year-old woman cuffed for having a brown lawn"

"She was arrested July 6 after failing to give her name to a police officer who visited her home. During a struggle, Perry fell and injured her nose. She spent more than an hour in a holding cell before police released her."

Better make sure I trim my rose bushes, yikes… makes me miss the Reich…

I Heart Seth Green

2007-09-16T14:35:00.000+02:00

Seth Green Chris Crocker Outtakes

Add to My Profile More Videos

Go here if you don't understand what's going on.

And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses…

2007-09-11T14:39:00.000+03:00

Nothing much to tell except tomorrow night is Rosh Hashanah – the Jewish new year. (4 days weekend!) Which is just a date but it makes you think. I was really hopeful about this year. I thought it was all going to get better coz the year before that was tough. So nothing got better, some things got worse. What I hate about those holidays is they make you think about shit. And they make you hope it’ll change. K, I’m gonna stop here before I get everybody down.

My parents and brothers are back from France and I spoke to my mom 10 minutes and all she did was complain… typical. But I’m still happy she’s back, I missed them a lot. We’re having dinner with them Thursday night. My bitch sister was already sniffing around asking me where I was for the holiday because she was trying to get invited to my parents and apparently my mom told her she doesn’t want anyone over. What bitch sister doesn’t get is my mom doesn’t want HER over. Every major holiday she does something like that! She calls me because if I was invited then my parents can’t say no to her without insulting her. What are they gonna say? Sorry, we like Sarah and Mike better, you can’t come to dinner. Take a GD hint! So they got away this time, for the first night they’re all going to the other sister and we’re coming over the second night, hopefully sans bitch sister. In other good news the restaurant is closed for the holiday so Mike will be home! Poor baby has been sick since Sunday :(

So y’all have a great year! Thanks for listening to me bitch a lot!

In case you’re wondering about the picture, we eat apples with honey on the holiday so that we may have a sweet year. I like this tradition :)

Break’s Over – Ready for More?

2007-09-09T15:22:00.000+03:00

So yeah, I had a moment of perfection (actually 2 plus hours, it was a great show) and now I’m back down to earth. Rent, bills to pay, bank calling me coz there’s no money. The cherry on top? Mike lost his (custom made 1200 shekels white gold) wedding ring. He remembers taking it off before work and putting it in his wallet and after the shift it was gone. No sign of it anywhere in the restaurant. I think it was stolen. I’m so beat I can’t even react to this, it’s one thing after the other.

In other news the NIN concert has affected us all very differently. For instance Ariane, was let out of the loony bin for the concert and had to stay there this weekend because she was late getting back. She’s been writing songs about it and trying not to have a break down. I get it, instead of reminiscing and remembering how fun it was, she’s stuck up there all alone!

Nir, turned out Friday had been drinking since the concert! He had so much fun, he was scared to come down. He woke up on our sofa Saturday afternoon and said he just realized the past 3 days were a blur...

Alex sounded like that time he has sex with Mike’s ex-girlfriend – all happy and relaxed and life is beautiful. Although he was pretty hammered when I spoke to him Thursday…

Me? I’m okay. I guess. I’m just so happy I got to see them. And so sad it’s over. Pookie was right though – it’s a religious experience :) And now we’re back to our lives and it’s hard.

I just want Mike to find his wedding ring. That’s all. K?

p.s. This picture made me laugh… it’s like one of those family pictures, “and this is one of us at the western wall”… LOL!!!

Pics From Last Night

2007-09-06T21:55:00.000+03:00

I have nothing left to live for*

2007-09-06T16:03:00.000+03:00

*Except he promised he’ll be back.

So it happened. I saw NIN live. I never thought I would, really. I don’t even know where to start. I think I’m still taking it in. I cried already 4 times today!

So Alex and I drove to Tel Aviv, I fucking hate that fucking town. It was so hot and humid and ugh! We got there way too early but that gave us time to chill and have a bite. We bought T-shirts and pins, I got on of those T-shirts with all the tour dates including that of last night – I had to! We met up with Ariane, I’m so glad she was with us, it would’ve sucked without her. I’m so happy that I’m talking to her again, but that’s for another day. Nir and Itay were there and half of J-town, almost everyone I know! It was a small venue but that made it better.

The show was fucking awesome! Best night of my life. I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I danced. Half the time I could believe I was there and the other half it felt like I was finally home.

OMFG, Trent… I thought I loved him before…!!! He was so great and hot (OMG, OMG, OMG…) and amazing and I would’ve left with him if he let me! Especially with all the crap going on in my life (and in me) it would’ve been a really easy decision to make, I tell ya! LOL! No seriously, he was just fucking perfect. Some people said it wasn’t like it used to be because he’s not Mr. Self Destruct anymore but I don’t care and Ariane agreed with me, he’s clean and that means I can stop waiting for him to die and that he will keep making music. He kept saying thank you for having us and how much they loved it here, he said from now on they’re stopping here every time they tour, so I can’t die yet… Damn it..!

As I said, I’m still taking it in. But I think some time during “something I can never have” I remembered who I was. Or maybe it was when I was right in front of him and a he screamed a line right AT ME. I couldn’t feel my legs…

Oh one more thing, my friend Tzahi was there and got back stage because he writes for a paper, he shook his hand and talked to him a bit. Apparently Trent and the band came to J-town the day before the concert and loved it! They said they hated Tel Aviv, it was hot and ugly (which it is) and they loved Jerusalem! They visited the old city and shit. Damn! How did I miss that!!! I’m a great tour guide!!!

Tomorrow

2007-09-04T18:15:00.000+03:00

I Really Shouldn’t Drink (that much ever again)

2007-09-02T14:54:00.000+03:00

So Friday night, I thought was gonna suck balls because, as we all know I got no cash and my sugar daddy Nir wasn’t answering the phone. Also Alex and Barb said they wanted to go out early coz they had to drive 4 hours to Carmiel the next day. Oh, and they wanted to drink so they’re leaving the car at home so no ride for me. The way it looked I was gonna smoke Mike’s cigs (which I hate), drink water and then walk 45 minutes home at the end of the night. But, Nir called, bought me cigarettes and Barb said the early thing was Alex’s idea and it’s her birthday so she can stay out as late as she wants.

I drank so much… I don’t know how it happened, I’m usually careful even if I do get shitfaced. But this time it snuck up on me. We went from the Blue Hole to the Old Friend (the threshold to hell as some people call it here). Nir left after 10 minutes because for some reason he doesn’t like the vibe down there. Ariane and shit stain were there and we talked. Well, I talked. I talked a lot, I don’t remember all of it but I guess I worried Ariane coz she called me the next day to ask if I was okay. I remember I had some sort of epiphany but I knew I was gonna forget it so I stole a shot glass to remember it and I still can’t. And then Barb’s stoner friend fell asleep on my bag and I tore a strap trying to get it from under her. Bitch. Anyway I drank way too much and got sick later during the night.

The thing is everyone around me has real problems. Mike’s parents leaving, Barb’s step dad is dying of cancer. Alan’s brother is fighting leukemia. Me, I just don’t remember who I am, minor problem. I just wish everyone would stop having real problems so I can feel sorry for myself without feeling guilty…

BBC Dreams

2007-08-29T15:26:00.000+03:00

1. In laws left last night. Said goodbye to them before I left for work, I tried not to get too emotional. The house where they spent the bigger portion of their lives is empty and sad.

2. Lynx is doing SO much better. No more howling at the window, her energy is up since we stopped feeding her the diet crap sis in law was giving her for her imaginary allergies. She a sweetheart and Josie seems to be dealing a lot better. This morning we woke up and she was sleeping on our bed next to me, Josie wasn’t happy but it was cute. I’m still looking for a home for her though. This lady at work said she might take her, we’ll see.

3. My little sister and her husband are leaving for Crete tomorrow, I hate them. But seriously, they deserve it, they both work and study and have no life. I’m sure they’ll have fun.

4. I went to bed last night after watching Mighty Boosh – let me tell you, very interesting dreams…

5. Made lasagna this morning and it’s sitting next to me in a box waiting for lunch… Yummy….

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-08-27T16:21:00.000+03:00

CRAZY CAT LADY - ACTION FIGURE

- This 5-inch tall, hard plastic Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure comes in a blister pack with her SIX CATS!

- Are you a crazy cat person? Take the quiz!

- Do you get excited when you hear a can opener?

- Do you think cats are smarter than people?

Check out the Crazy Cat Lady here!

Stoners and Sea Breams

2007-08-26T15:30:00.000+03:00

The thing about extreme situations like the one we’re in is you can’t really be dealing the whole time, it’s too much for you system. So you go from normal to pissed off to laughing hysterically to crying your eyes out. That was my weekend.

If I believed in god I would thank him every day for giving me a friend like Nir. He’s the only reason I can afford to see NIN and as you all know he’s been paying our bar checks for months. So Friday Mike worked till 6pm and right before he got home Nir called me and said "Blue Hole tonight" that was enough for me – god knows we needed it. So we had a lot of alcohol and laughed a lot and got rid of all the yucky feeling of the past week.

The cat – OMG… before we went out Friday sis in law and her husband showed up to say goodbye coz they were leaving the next day. She was fucked up… I don’t know if it was more than hash and I hope not… she’s not even supposed to touch that stuff, we proved last year it makes even sicker! Anyway, she said she needed to see Lynx and went to the back room and started crying hysterically. Then she said she was going to take Lynx with her to the US. Which I’m fine with but my mother in law said no way and sis in law is just in a manic state and doesn’t know what she saying. You know how she said he cat was allergic to all cat food known to man? I’ve been giving her regular cat food and chicken and she’s fine! That girl is crazy, she was looking at the cat saying the cat in nauseous and she doesn’t know why. How do you know when a cat is nauseous, can someone tell me…?!?!? And I swear she was more upset about the freaking cat than leaving her brother, she was there to say goodbye to us and she walks out the door like she’s gonna see us tomorrow… WTF? You’re leaving for good! Fucking stoner… The sad thing was for the time that sis in law was there, Lynx was happy and calm, right when she left she resumed the howling and hasn’t stopped since. I haven’t slept a whole night since we got that fucking thing. I feel so bad for her, I wish I could find someone to take care of her…

So today mom and dad in law took us to lunch, it’s their 34th anniversary. We went to the restaurant Mike works at and it was awesome. The food was absolutely amazing! I was even more proud of my hubby :) I had fish (apparently called a gilthead bream) with yogurt sauce, Mike had a steak with mushroom sauce, that thing was like butter! We had a great time! And it was nice to see Mike’s parents relax. Can you imagine? They have to liquidate their lives before Tuesday..! Luckily they already sold most of the furniture and the car. What a nightmare.

To end on a good note, Mike’s favorite punk band NOFX are coming to Israel for 2 shows and I couldn’t be happier for him. So I get to see NIN and he gets to NOFX! It’s perfect! The show in J-town is on the day of the NIN concert too – LOL! Now I feel less guilty.

Nothing Much...

2007-08-23T20:22:00.000+03:00

1. I really don’t feel like posting but it’s Thursday and I thought I should update y’all.

2. That fucking cat is in heat!!! I thought she was fixed! She’s sitting on the window calling all the males in the neighborhood! She’s a fucking nightmare! I spent all last night kicking strays out of my house.

3. Mike’s sister and her husband are leaving Saturday morning. His parents leave Tuesday. Sunday is their 35th anniversary and they’re taking us to lunch where Mike works. Should be fun/sad.

4. My house is so dirty and messy I’m gonna spend the whole day cleaning tomorrow.

5. And I have a ton of laundry.

6. My parents and brothers are in France (again) and they sent me pictures. I felt like crying so bad. They’re on vacation and I’m dealing with all this stuff. They don’t even know what happening yet. And I won’t tell them coz I won’t ruin their vacation.

7. I need beer. A lot of it. And maybe some whisky. And some smokes.

8. This post was too depressing, so I added some eye candy. Hope y'all don't mind.

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-08-21T17:16:00.000+03:00

Thai officials hope Hello Kitty can shame errant cops

"Thai policemen who break rules will be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring "Hello Kitty," the Japanese icon of cute, as a mark of shame, a senior officer said Monday."

Hey - they should replace parking tickets with that shit! If it works for cops!

BTW - Please check out this website - I swear there is a guy with a hello kitty zombie tattoo and a hello kitty bong!!! I am now thinking my WTF post should've been about hello kitty altogether!

My Favorite :) it's hello kitty Jason! LOL!!!!

A Tale of Two Kitties

2007-08-19T18:52:00.000+03:00

Ugh... I’m getting that ‘I don’t wanna deal and just wanna get drunk’ feeling again. I wonder why!!!

Mike’s sister is dropping off her cat at my house tonight. Can’t remember if I told y’all the story so if I did – skip to the next paragraph. If not - here it is: Right around the time we got Josie we had a very rich friend. A guy Mike knew. He had made a bunch of money, can’t remember how, and bought a very expensive apartment in Jerusalem and a very expensive cat. Persian with a grey coat cost him about $1000, as a kitten. I loved that cat right away and he asked if we could cat-sit for a couple of weeks as he was leaving the country and had no one to help him with the cat. Josie was still a kitten so we didn’t mind, we took the cat to our apartment and the two kittens had a blast. They would wrestle for hours and then fall asleep together – SO cute! But a few days later we got a phone call from the dude. He had just caught his dad cheating on his mom and he was leaving for the states to be with his mom and work shit out. He told us we could keep the cat. Since we had a tiny apartment with room mates and a cat of our own we gave the Persian to Mike’s sister who named her Lynx. Everything was fine until they decided to move to Eilat. I don’t know why, but they decided not to take her. They took the dog, but not her. Anyway, she gave the cat to some guy who took her apartment. 3 months later we get a call from a guy, who lives at that place, says there’s a grey cat who won’t leave and can w come get her. Turns out the fucker who took her threw a party about 2 days after he moved in, Lynx ran away and never came back. He moved out of the house after 2 weeks and Lynx showed up, half bald, skinny as hell to the place she knew after spending 3 months out in the street… so we took her to my parents and they fed up and cuddled her for a few days until Mike’s sister took her back. NOW – they’re leaving to the US so that poor kitty is homeless again. When I heard that I told Mike we’re taking her and Josie will just have to get used to it. That poor kitty has been through enough already!

Anyway I’m leaving work only to supervise the meeting of the kitties. I’m sure Josie will be okay with it even if she’s pissed for a while. She’ll still be the queen of the house. and Lynx lived with a dog before so she’s not picky.

Besides that, we went to spend time with my in laws yesterday and it was really hard. They gave us a bunch of stuff they’re getting rid of. I stole my favorite Christmas decorations and a few kitchen items. They’re giving us their coffee table that I love. I’m so happy! After a couple of hours I started to just wanna leave. I used to be able to handle emotional situations like these but lately it’s jut too much. Especially considering this is the third time we have to do this.

UPDATE: I didn’t just get a new cat. I got a new fucking problem. What my dear sister in law forgot to share is that Lynx is allergic to all cat food except this hypoallergenic stuff and on top of that she has some fungus that means she can’t be in contact with us or Josie for at least 1 week. It just keeps getting better.

Happy Blog Birthday!!!

2007-08-16T20:05:00.000+03:00

You’ve convinced me – here it is – The ninth sector is entering its terrible twos and it looks like a promising year, at least when it comes to drama and shit.

The Happy Blog Birthday post!

I’ve been thinking about this birthday for a while and couldn’t find anything appropriate to do. So this is what I’m doing. I decided to look at the full half of the glass and think about all the good things the blog world has given me. Some laughs and a lot of respect for my bitches.

Scissors Happy – great blog, and I’m proud of myself coz I found it by myself just by clicking ‘next blog’ on the top bar. Lots a links and inspiration. Always good when you’re looking for a new band. You should go back to doing the first song on you ipod thing – I loved that.

Asshat – I love this word. I heard for the first time on Liz’s blog. Could not stop laughing. Liz and Marcia are the first few blogs I started reading and I love them both. I recently watched the pilot for a new show called Reaper that looks like the male version of Buffy, the guy came up to his friends and said ‘look, I’m an asshat’. I laughed my asshat off! I would also like to thank Liz for introducing me to the word fucktard, Mike uses it a lot!

Dlisted – I really don’t understand what I did before Dlisted, it’s all a blurry memory… Michael K is the man. I can’t imagine going through a work day without it, I think I check it about 346 times a day. I am addicted.

Also I’ve been to the archives (doesn’t that sound like a cold dusty basement?) and I picked my favorite posts this year – enjoy!

Facts about quolls.
The snippets post.
This WTF moment.

And last but not least I’d like to thank all y’all for listening to me bitch and moan. I’m not gonna get all teary eyed but it means a lot, especially lately, you guys are kinda my group therapy and it helps a lot with the drama that is my life. Respect.

Fell on Black Days

2007-08-16T15:38:00.000+03:00

Boy oh boy where do I start? As you all know last night was supposed to be my big night out with Nir. I was gonna get shitfaced and forget my troubles. So hubby and I went to the bank before I left for work to get money out for rent and drinking. That’s when we got a phone call from his parents. Remember the whole deportation saga from last year? Well, they applied for permanent residency in Israel and never heard from the ministry of interior again after that. So they denied the application and they have to leave the country within 2 weeks. So, yeah. Oh, and Mike’s sister is leaving too, she was thinking of leaving anyway but that’s the last straw. Happy days.

I don’t believe in god but I do believe in karma so here goes - WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?! What the hell do you want from me here?!?!?! Karma – bullshit! It’s one damn thing after the other! And you fucking say I got my health coz I’m gonna beat you down! Don’t you think he’s been through enough?! Lay off him for a bit and for that matter – lay off me!!!

Much better. Sorry about that :)

Anyway Mike was working anyway so Nir and I went out. I started by sobbing into my beer and Nir was nice enough to let me do that. After a beer and a half and a bunch of venting I started feeling better. I actually didn’t think it would make me feel better but my best friend alcohol never let me down. Mike joined us a bit later and had a few. He was drinking so fast I actually had to say stop. He said he wanted to stay but after 3 beers and 2 shots in 30 minutes I decided no fucking way. I told him no matter what he drinks tonight it won’t be enough and I’m not having another one of those nights. Then we had a huge fight in Nir’s car and I almost walked away. But 10 minutes later he came to ask Nir and me what he had said so hey – another fight that I will remember forever and he already forgot. Bipolar is fun!

So lets talk about something else coz I can feel I’m getting you guys down. We were at the Old Friend and I had a talk with Shit Stain. Ariane is getting out of the funny farm tomorrow and she’s doing great. The thing is, it’s getting really hard to hate him. Especially when he spend ten minutes telling me how happy he is for her and how proud he is of her and that she’s the most amazing thing in the world to him and he’d do anything for her. Makes me feel good to know he’s there for her. Also makes me feel like shit about my couple problems. I’m a low life.

Happy Blog Birthday to me...

Fine Thank You

2007-08-14T15:36:00.000+03:00

1. I don’t want to talk about the art fair. Mike showed up drunk and his dad almost left us there, he was so upset. I spent the whole time running after him and did not have a good time. I really don’t want to say anymore right now.

2. Mondays are cursed. Last week I waited 45 minutes for the bus and got in late. Yesterday I walked down to ATM 10 minutes away from the house, and when I got to the bus stop, I sat down and heard a crunch. I ripped my pants. Right between my legs. I had to walk back to the house to change them and I was 45 minutes late. Good thing my supervisor is cool.

3. I badly need to get drunk. And not with Mike and the responsibility. I need to get shitfaced with my friends so I can remember who I am because I’m in a fun coma. Nir is coming in tomorrow, Mike is working till 4am again so I can party!

4. I have an overwhelming desire to watch fight club and listen to Nine Inch Nails Broken. This is not good.

5. Y’all like my new widget?

Can't Get It Out Of My Head

2007-08-11T16:10:00.001+03:00

Friday Night @ Home

2007-08-11T00:45:00.000+03:00

First I wanna thank you guys for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me... I really needed that, I was feeling very alone and you are all sweethearts for listening. Made me feel much better :) you guys all rock hard core!!! Knowing that all of you deal on one level or another with this kind of stuff really helps give me hope :)

I'm still mad, and tired. but I'm getting over it. Poor hubby is feeling so guilty it's hard for me to stay mad! He knows he fucked up and he's being careful. I'm also mad at myself for it letting get to this point... I should've done something about it long ago, before I got fed up and resentful. I'm getting my shit together and this is not going to happen again.

First of all, he needs to see his shrink AT LEAST once every 3 months. He agrees with me. I also told him he can't keep living as if he doesnt have a problem and he agreed. Also I'm making him take up Thai boxing again. He used to do it before and it helps him a lot, takes out agressions and helps him sleep better. Also it occupies his mind and that's very important. I'm hoping he'll make new and better friends there too, all his friends were pot heads and drunks from Mike's Place... (BTW we went drinking last Saturday at a different pub and I noticed he wasn't getting all manic - Mike's was such a bad influence on him!). So we're working on it together and I'm starting to feel a bit better.

I have this thing I do when things are bad, I kinda go into myself, it's hard to explain. I've done that my whole life. I ignore stuff, or pretend I dont care. As a teenager I couldnt go anywhere without my music because that was my way out of the crappy reality that was around me. That's why I always love books - you dont have to deal when you're in another universe. If you dont care about anything - it wont hurt you. It's the goth kid's life mantra. One thing that scared me in the past week was I felt I was begining to do that again... But I wont go that far, I'm not a kid anymore. Although sometimes I really wonder how the universe trusts me with all this grown up shit!

Thanks again - I love you all!!!

p.s. Going to the art fair tomorrow woth Mike and his dad - YAY! Been waiting for this all summer!!!

+ p.s. isn't that picture cool? I found when I googled bipolar!

Help

2007-08-09T00:40:00.000+03:00

Hi Y'all. I'm home and I almost never blog from home. Hubby is alseep in the other room, I need to vent. It's probably not as bad as it sounds and one of the things I'm hoping venting here will do is help me to stop over reacting. I apologize for the spelling and gramar mistakes right away - I dont care right now! an I need my girls to give me shoulders to cry on.

Most of you know hubby is bipolar. And I'm not the most stable person in the world :) hubby has something called rapid cycling. A cycle is the time it takes to get from mania to depression or vice versa, for most bipolars it takes years to complete a cycle, hubby completes 2 cycles a year. the summer months are the hardest because he is manic, high on everything - imagine Gir on speed. He does take medications that help him a lot but they dont turn it off completly. Everyone who's been on any psych meds knows you cant take a pill and forget about it, therapy is a huge part o it. there is a lot of personal work involved and bipolars need A LOT of outside help. But when they're on the happy side of the scale, the last thing they wanna hear is - this is not normal, you're too happy! you need to come down now! would you wanna hear that?!

So this is me lately - the happyness police. It's been about 2 months now and I am so tired... And it's getting worse. He worked last night till 5am and only got home at 8am. I'm not sure what he was doing but let me tell you I imagined everything from kidnapped by the hammas to cheating on me with that waitress he said was hot... He was supposed to be at work at 5pm today and he slept till 6:30, I called him about 12 times and he didnt hear the phone or the alarm... In the end I called his mother (sweetheart) and she was a huge help. She told me I wasnt alone and apparently BOTH his sister are going throught the SAME thing right now. She said she'll help and spoke to him. I think he realized today how bad it was with mising work and the trip home last night/this morning.

And everything she said made sense and helped a lot but I am so tired... I have no strength left in me and I feel so guilty... I am so sick of hearing the sound of my own voice speaking calmly and trying to get my point across, trying to get to him. I am so tired of repeating the same shit, explaining again and again why I dont think it's a good idea to have that chaser of tequila right now or why I think he should come home after work and not go drinking with his co-workers. knowing this is all gonna end in about 1 month when he crashes to the ground and guess who's gonna be there to pick up the pieces?

I hate myself for saying all this, I knew about this before I married him and god knows I got my own issues. but the truth is I'm not a fucking shrink. and I wont last long like this. I already wanna leave, I find myslef wishing I could take a vacation from him. From my husband!!! The love of my life!!! I need him to get regular profesional help and I need someone to share the weight... so why do I feel so guilty?

Vintage Britney

2007-08-08T18:19:00.000+03:00

My sister sent me this today...

"Michael Jackson meets Barbie meets Fred Astaire meets Perez Hilton meets Belinda Carlisle meets Robert Rauschenberg goes streetwalking."

WTF Moment of the Day

2007-08-05T17:48:00.000+03:00

Man gets sick benefits for heavy metal addiction

Check this shit out-

“A Swedish heavy metal fan has had his musical preferences officially classified as a disability. The results of a psychological analysis enable the metal lover to supplement his income with state benefits.”

Bullshit!!! That’s me and most of my friends!!! Dude just wants to be able to listen to music at work!!!

'Roger feels compelled to show his heavy metal style. This puts him in a difficult situation on the labor market. Therefore he needs extra financial help'.

WTF?! All the clothes I own are black – can I get some money too???

Girl Talk

2007-07-26T15:42:00.000+03:00

So a few weeks ago I quit the pill. Not because we’re thinking of trying or anything or because it made me sick, it was actually a dumb reason. The pharmacy up the street belongs to an old Russian couple who take their job way too seriously and we have to tell them a week earlier before we need something so they order it. God forbid they would have an extra box of anything! Anyway, never mind that I’ve been taking this pill for a year, they didn’t have it. So I decided to take a month off, go back on condoms for a while and start over next month. The change was un-fucking-believable.

Where do I start?! I suddenly rediscovered sex – very sad! I thought it was stress or depression or routine, I wasn’t as interested as I used to be (and most of you know how hot my hubby is). Suddenly I wanna have sex, a lot of it! I check out guys, I haven’t done that in so long! And I have mind blowing orgasms and hey – hubby and I fight a lot less and I sleep better!!! It’s absolutely amazing, I never thought it would make such a change. Now I don’t love condoms but this is much better than the alternative, I feel like myself again. And besides, if I do get pregnant, no biggy. Hell, I’m never taking that shit again! When I’m done having kids, I’m having my tubes tied!

A couple years ago I was taking a different pill and it was making me very sick – stomach aches, leg pains, appetite went to hell, I was a mess – depressed, crying at the drop of a hat. I remember hubby reading me the side affects list from the box and every one of them I had! I got better after I changed it. My mother was on the pill and my older sisters were but I’ve never heard of side affects this severe. Any of you had that kind of thing? Discuss.

Lohan: 'I am innocent'

2007-07-25T17:15:00.000+03:00

LOL!!! Listen to this –

‘"I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy," Lohan wrote in an e-mail to "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush’

Now ask yourselves - do you believe the coke head or the policeman?

‘Police received a 911 call from the mother of Lohan's former personal assistant, saying that Lohan was chasing her in an SUV, said Lt. Alex Padilla. The assistant had quit hours before, he said.’

All I can think of when I see this mugshot is ‘what’s that bright light?’

Our Celebrity friends

2007-07-24T18:19:00.000+03:00

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Blohan is back to her old tricks! Don’t you love that shit? I mean, a LOT of people get away with drug addiction and alcoholism without anyone noticing but her? You’d think the fact she’s always in the spotlight would make her extra careful but noooo…! That bitch is annoying but you gotta admit she’s pretty entertaining! Made my day.

Hubby is starting his first shift at the new job today – I’m so excited for him!!! Before he got there he said "I’m gonna go put on my chef uniform and work in a real kitchen today!" I’m so happy for him I feel like going over there and taking pictures! LOL! I’m disturbed…

Nir is back in Rosh Pina today and it’s fucking 38c (100f) up there today! I’m glad we didn’t join them this time, only 31c (87f) here.

That's all I got! Hope y’all are having a good day!

Yummy Saturday

2007-07-22T15:23:00.000+03:00

Thank you all for the good vibes, hubby is going in today for a dry run with the restaurant’s chef – a woman! That rocks. There are very few women chefs in Israel and I’m glad to see that changing. I am so nervous for him but also very excited, I really want him to work a real restaurant and not a pub, it’ll be a step up for him and he needs it.

Saturday we had a bunch of people over for Alex’s birthday. I feel bad coz we’re really broke and I didn’t get him anything. But I did let him use my house for his B-day BBQ so not too bad. We had a great time and I didn’t have to do much, for a change! Hubby was grilling and Alex was doing the rest of the food, having chefs around is awesome! After the food we drank a lot and watched True Lies – I forgot how much fun that movie was! Also it was the first weekend in ages hubby was home so that was awesome too. He may have lost his job but I think that saved our marriage…! I ended up with a ton of leftovers – also good for our money problem and very yummy.

There was this one woman I’d never met, a friend of Alex’s girlfriend. She was under the impression she needed to impress us or something, kept trying to work into the conversation the posh restaurants she ate at and the concerts she went to. What was really funny is how nobody really paid attention to her when she talked about those things, everyone kinda looked at her funny – I love my friends! We’re so laid back and unless Alex and hubby area talking about food or weapons, there really isn’t much need to impress each other! Anyway – I did not get a good vibe from her at all. Nothing specific but you know how it is when you just don’t like someone?

Just so you know – you never know…

2007-07-19T15:16:00.000+03:00

I’ve been dreading this post because honestly I’m so pissed off I try not to think about it.

Hubby was fired from Mike’s Place Monday. His asshat supervisor won and got him fired. He talked so much shit about him to the owner he got him canned. I don’t want to get too much into it right now but the other owner – the one that loves hubby and wanted him to go into partnership with them - wasn’t told until after the fact and was sick about it. Hubby’s got a trial day with a restaurant here in town Sunday and I really hope it works out coz this isn’t some bullshit bar it’s a real gourmet place and that would be awesome for him. So all y’all better start sending some good vibes his way! Just one last thing – I hope Mike’s Place burns down with everyone in it. That’s how pissed off I am.

So, to make myself feel better I’m giving you the recipe for the secret Mike’s Place BBQ sauce! Spread the word!

2 ½ cups coca cola
¾ cup sugar
½ cup soy sauce
¼ cup red wine vinegar
1 garlic cloves, chopped
1 pinch chili flakes
1 pinch salt

Bring to a boil and let simmer for 45 minutes then add corn starch mixed with a little water until it reaches the consistency you want. I like it more liquid coz you can use it as a marinade and it’s very good.

Enjoy ;) more secret recipes to come!

Weekend News

2007-07-15T14:36:00.000+03:00

So I was all ready for a nice relaxing weekend, two whole days of doing nothing. But then I got a text from Ariane (AH) her birthday was this week and she’s having a party at the Old Friend Friday night… so I thought I could dodge it, after all hubby had to be up early Saturday night and there’s no way in hell I’m going there by myself. But then Edwin, a dear old friend that lives in Tel Aviv decided to come all the way (45 minute drive) to J-town for the event and that meant I had to go… so Friday was shaping up to be one hell of a day. I had to wake up early, go deposit hubby’s paycheck in the bank (done) buy food for the weekend (paid for and forgot the chicken) buy a present for Ariane (black t-shirt with red superman sign with horns and a tail) and run back home to get ready (much plucking to do). Had a few hours to relax but then we had dinner at my parents, which was good coz they live close to town and hubby could come straight from work, shower, nap and have a nice dinner. And after all that we walked to town. But wait. Half way there hubby realized he forgot his wallet and keys… so back to my parents’ we went and around 10:30pm we ended up at the Blue Hole where we found a very happy Edwin.

I felt better after a beer and upon realizing that Edwin was really drunk and that is always interesting. So we made our way to the Old Friend Rock Bar. The place was pitch black, worst than usual, we sat on really uncomfortable rotting sofas and had beers. Shit stain was very nice, got up and greeted us with hugs and stuff. Then I found out Edwin had never met him but only heard all the horrible stories from me! So Ariane called him over and while he was making his way to our table Edwin said “well, he doesn’t look like the devil” and the said hi, nice to meet you and the second shit stain walked away Edwin turned to me and said “I hate him”. LOL!

But altogether it wasn’t so bad. We did see a few people I don’t like but nothing I couldn’t get over. We didn’t stay long coz hubby was really tired and Edwin was starting to go to the bad side (told me he missed Ariane’s ex boyfriend and was gonna tell her about it). So we put him in a taxi to Tel Aviv and went home. I spent the next day doing absolutely nothing and I loved it. Watched Veronica Mars, Jericho, The Class and even quilted a bit. Oh, and she loved the shirt :) Looked all over the net for a picture of that logo but you get the idea.

Gotta add this: she looked very good. Scary skinny but good. She hasn’t had a drink in 3 months and hasn’t cut or hurt herself in 8 months. She’s giving the hospital a real chance and entering a welfare program to help her get on her feet when she gets out. I still hate shit stain but hey, you gotta pick your battles.

The Vacation Pics

2007-07-12T15:49:00.000+03:00

All right you vultures, here are some images for ya!

The house where we stayed – not too shabby!

Typical Rosh Pina street.

The Beach where we hung. The water was so nice...

Another view of the beach with the lake and a couple of hotels. I think...

And hubby and me :)

Later that night...

Hubby, me and Captain Morgan.

The bartender made us a leaf crown - he was weird and pretty drunk too, kept giving us refills... fine wih me!

That's all - hope it makes y'all happy!

Hi Y'all!

2007-07-11T15:54:00.000+03:00

We’re back from the north. We had a great time. Hubby got tons of sleep and actually got the color back in his face. We did a whole lot of nothing, which is what we needed, ate a shit load of barbeque and drank a lot of alcohol.

Few things though – I hate hubby’s supervisor, I want him to die a painful death. The guy is SUCH an asshole, acting like he’s better than you and treat hubby like shit. The douche decided to send us off on our vacation with a bang and tore hubby a new one for some meaningless shit that wasn’t even his fault and talked shit about him to the big boss! The whole 3 days we weren’t sure he’d have a job to go back to. Nice. Also the guys we were with were fucking stoners and just sat around smoking all day while hubby and I tried to cheer them up. Ever seen a depressed stoner? Not a pretty sight. We did get them shitfaced Monday night and had a great time though (god bless captain morgan). We went to the beach in Tiberias Monday and had some Saint Peter’s fish – yummy. Nice town, a lot smaller than I remembered.

But all and all, no one fired rockets at us so it’s all good. I got pictures and I will post them tomorrow!

OMG – Eeewww!!!

2007-07-04T15:01:00.000+03:00

So a bunch of disgusting things happened to me in the past 24 hours, I don’t know, the planets aligned or smtg…

1 .There is this god white dog roaming the neighborhood lately, he’s very friendly actually. I was out running a couple of weeks ago and he joined me! Anyway Saturday night he got into our garden and I had to rescue Josie (our cat) who was petrified in fear at the huge dog, poor kitty. Same thing happened last night and I tried to get to the cat back in the house through the front door only find myself face to face with a HUGE cockroach. Now, I’m not a girly girl and I have no problem with rats, spiders, snakes and blood, but the only thing that grosses me out to the point of girlish screams is cockroaches. And that one was the mother of all cockroaches. So I closed the front door and locked it in case it was smart enough to use the handle. Apparently he can pick a lock too coz a few minutes later it was on my wall!!! Hubby went after it and the fucking thing jumped on him!! We spent the next hour looking for the monster, which gave me an opportunity to sweep behind the sofa and under the bar. But we never found it

2. The bus stop to work is right outside our building. So I get my shit together and step out of the house and from this very short distant spot a very old and wrinkly ASS. And old woman was pissing behind the bus stop, onto the sidewalk!!! Now I understand when you really gotta go but bitch, there’s a fucking park and a bunch of bushes and trees right fucking there!!! Can’t you hide that nasty crack?!?! Which reminds me once coming back from the store I saw an old Arab guy taking a dump in the park behind our buildings… at least he was behind a tree!!! Nasty!!!

3. After these two stories, the fact that I spent 10 minutes trying to identify the substance in a jar that I found in my fridge doesn’t seem so revolting anymore.