First I wanna thank you guys for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me... I really needed that, I was feeling very alone and you are all sweethearts for listening. Made me feel much better :) you guys all rock hard core!!! Knowing that all of you deal on one level or another with this kind of stuff really helps give me hope :)
I'm still mad, and tired. but I'm getting over it. Poor hubby is feeling so guilty it's hard for me to stay mad! He knows he fucked up and he's being careful. I'm also mad at myself for it letting get to this point... I should've done something about it long ago, before I got fed up and resentful. I'm getting my shit together and this is not going to happen again.
First of all, he needs to see his shrink AT LEAST once every 3 months. He agrees with me. I also told him he can't keep living as if he doesnt have a problem and he agreed. Also I'm making him take up Thai boxing again. He used to do it before and it helps him a lot, takes out agressions and helps him sleep better. Also it occupies his mind and that's very important. I'm hoping he'll make new and better friends there too, all his friends were pot heads and drunks from Mike's Place... (BTW we went drinking last Saturday at a different pub and I noticed he wasn't getting all manic - Mike's was such a bad influence on him!). So we're working on it together and I'm starting to feel a bit better.
I have this thing I do when things are bad, I kinda go into myself, it's hard to explain. I've done that my whole life. I ignore stuff, or pretend I dont care. As a teenager I couldnt go anywhere without my music because that was my way out of the crappy reality that was around me. That's why I always love books - you dont have to deal when you're in another universe. If you dont care about anything - it wont hurt you. It's the goth kid's life mantra. One thing that scared me in the past week was I felt I was begining to do that again... But I wont go that far, I'm not a kid anymore. Although sometimes I really wonder how the universe trusts me with all this grown up shit!
Thanks again - I love you all!!!
p.s. Going to the art fair tomorrow woth Mike and his dad - YAY! Been waiting for this all summer!!!
+ p.s. isn't that picture cool? I found when I googled bipolar!
7 comments:
Thai boxing??? Oh God...that's so hot.
JESUS! I'm going crazy with all the Nikki stuff floating around...I'll fan myself for a bit.
anyway, glad you are feeling a little better. I'm glad that you guys talked. I used to be like that as a teenager too. I would come home and shut myself in my room for hours and only come out for food. I have a tendancy to do it still sometimes but...part of growing up is realizing that in the "real" world, you have to communicate. So, I try to get things off my chest now so I don't harbor them and then fall into my head.
Have fun at the fair!!!
Living with someone who is bipolar isn't easy, and you're justified in feeling the way you do, my girlfriend feels the same way at times. You're completely right, therapy and physical activity are essential to help focus a person, they have to work in conjunction with the medication, there's no such thing as a wonder pill to fix it all.
I would also explore online bipolar disorder resources if you haven't already. There are sections devoted completely to the significant others of people suffering from bipolar, even forums to the subject. If you feel alone, these would be a great place to start. If there's one thing I learned is that you can't deal with this illness on your own, you'll need help. Here's a list of resources I've compiled.
http://manicsuicide.com/?page_id=26
I know most of these are based in the united states, but the information and services they provide can be used by anyone. I would also check to see if there any other similar services being offered close to where you live.
Last thing I would recommend is therapy solo and group therapy sessions, for your husband and perhaps yourself as well. However, it took me a long time to want to participate in such activities. I felt ashamed of my illness and who I was, and doing this meant I would be in contact with people who were just like me, a little too close to home.
Don't give up, when you start understanding the illness better, and when you build yourself a support network, you'll feel more empowered in dealing with its symptoms and the strain on your personal life and your relationship will diminish.
Don't give up now :)
(I apologize if I've submitted this a second time, no confirmation message when I click submit)
I'm a little late to the game, but I wanted to offer my thoughts and I know that you have the strength to get through this. Your husband is lucky to have you. So many people with this disorder lose the ones they love, I'm glad you understand that he needs help and guidance and your love.
Pook - you think he's hot now, wait till he starts working out again ;)
anic - thank you so much! I talked to him about group but I think that's one thing he's not open to. one thing at a time - baby steps, right?
Deb - thank you honey. thanks for reminding me. you rock :)
I'm glad you feel a bit better. I have a tendency to go inside myself to aviod things too - but eventually you've got to deal with them. I'm glad you're being proactive. Have fun at the art fair. How cool!
hey hon, sorry I hadn't seen any of this until now. hope things improve and just take it as it comes. you say you don't know how the universe trusts you with this grown up stuff, but we all feel that way at some point and you realize, I'm sure, that you can handle whatever comes your way. you will be ok and so will he.
~love to you~
I SO agree with the physical activity. It SO helps me. And now that I'm off the meds and I'm only feeling dizzy every once & a bit & not CONSTANTLY, I'm going to start upping my exercise.
It's weird, you KNWO it helps, but it's so hard ot drag yourself out of yourself & DO IT.
ARGH. LOL
More than anything, I'm glad you were able to talk to him, and that he seems receptive. Because as we know, it cna go the other way - defensive, denial, etc. So that is AWESOME to hear :)
Keep it up, chicky, you're doing very well! :)
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