Keep Me Alive and Give Me Something to Lose

Weekend was good. I got a few things to say though.

Friday night I met up with Ariane and Edwin, happy hour at the Blue Hole like good old times. I had so much fun. I was amazed really, just being around them I felt more like myself then I did in years. Ariane and I talked about stuff I’m not ready to talk about yet (don’t worry it’s hers not mine) so I wont go there right now.

I will however tell you what happened after we left the Blue Hole… we decided to move to Old Friend for a last drink before home and Ariane called shit-stain to ask if he was there, MF answered the phone "so how drunk are you?" And not in a good way… we get there and he’s in a shitty mood which I gracefully ignore and get another beer. I try to spend as much time as I can, talking to others coz I see Ariane and him are getting into an argument.

We all calm down and sit to have a beer and then my friend Evgeni from work shows up. Now, Evgeni studies classical guitar and last night I saw him he was trying to explain smtg to me about the piece he’s learning right now but all I could do was nod. Ariane on the other hand loves classical music, lives and breathes classical music since she was a baby and I thought he would enjoy talking to her. So I introduce them and they start talking, 2 minutes later I come back and they’re having so much fun talking about shit I know nothing about I was very proud. Now – I have to make sure everyone here knows – I was not trying to set them up, I didn’t even think about that, I just thought they have a common interest and they would have a great conversation – understood? Okay, resume. Shit-stain is in the corner making a face, she goes over to find out what’s wrong and he flies into a jealous rage like a 12 year old boy. I swear. There was yelling, gesturing and hitting tables. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it. Y’all know how I feel about this guy. I didn’t say or do anything. When she went out for some air I followed her and lit her cigarette and asked her if this had anything to do with me because he does that a lot when I’m around. She said no. I don’t remember what else she said, something about how he waited for her when she was in the loony bin and she found porn on his computer and was happy for him or something like that. I was pretty drunk. Then he showed up and I let them talk.

I spoke to Edwin on the way home and he said there’s nothing we can do – she has to make the journey herself. He’s right. I know he’s right, that’s why I didn’t say anything. I also know that it took her and me a year and a NIN concert to start feeling like friends again and I’m not gonna ruin that. Coz she might need me later. But I swear to god and everything I know, if he ever lifts a finger on her, I will break every bone in his body. Trust this.