Monday, December 08, 2008

Day 2

Have the day of today and was going to take off to Tel Aviv for a night to get away and spend some time with Edwin. Wasn't up for it at all. I sleep fine but I'm tired all the time... So I decided to treat myself a little and went to the supermarket, got me some comfort food. Had a really good lunch and I'm going to the Taklit tonight for a couple of beers. Not too many though, been drinking way too much.

Mike and I spoke yesterday and today, mostly technical stuff, what he's doing, where he's sleeping. Last night I went out with Ariane for drinks and talk and we met him, we hugged and talked a bit, he was sober. Today was harder to talk to him, I really feel like I've been dumped. I've been there for him all this time, stayed even though I wanted to leave so many times, and he just left... Just doesn't feel right.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure myself out also. I realized that right now I'm too passive. If he comes back I'll probably say ok, if he wants to break up I'll probably say ok too... I don't know wha I want out of this. I know I can't go on like I did. Him getting drunk every night, disappearing for hours, I can't take it anymore.

Thank you guys for listening... I'm trying to take care of myself, been taking care of him for so long it's strange, but I'm trying...


Brunhilda said...

Jesus. I wish I was there to take care of you right now. Seriously.

Just think about what you like to do and do it. Think about what you like to eat and fix it. Think about what makes you happy and do it! Sleep a lot too. You probably need it.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

jenner said...

I've been there for him all this time, stayed even though I wanted to leave so many times, and he just left... Just doesn't feel right.

Unfortunately that's usually the case with males. They aren't as strong as we are, so the instinct is to bail. It doesn't matter that you did so much for him - when things get too difficult, they bail. Not all, but most. "Unfair" doesn't begin to describe it.

As I said below, I really don't have much to tell you because I don't have any advice, any words or anything that'll help. I just want to keep repeating TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. So far so good, it sounds like. Keep it up.


melissa said...

Keep trying. Learning how to take care of yourself can be hard. But you can do it. And you can show him that he needs to take care of himself as well, it doesn't always need to be you holding him up.

Tons of love, Sarah.

KeLL said...

I'm sorry you are going through this, Sarah. Fighting takes a toll on the body & soul. Like, Jessica said, get some sleep. I don't have any good advice, sorry :(

But just remember this. Whatever happens, everything will be okay. Everything is so hard now, but it will get better with time. :) You will be in my thoughts.