Have the day of today and was going to take off to Tel Aviv for a night to get away and spend some time with Edwin. Wasn't up for it at all. I sleep fine but I'm tired all the time... So I decided to treat myself a little and went to the supermarket, got me some comfort food. Had a really good lunch and I'm going to the Taklit tonight for a couple of beers. Not too many though, been drinking way too much.
Mike and I spoke yesterday and today, mostly technical stuff, what he's doing, where he's sleeping. Last night I went out with Ariane for drinks and talk and we met him, we hugged and talked a bit, he was sober. Today was harder to talk to him, I really feel like I've been dumped. I've been there for him all this time, stayed even though I wanted to leave so many times, and he just left... Just doesn't feel right.
Anyway, I'm trying to figure myself out also. I realized that right now I'm too passive. If he comes back I'll probably say ok, if he wants to break up I'll probably say ok too... I don't know wha I want out of this. I know I can't go on like I did. Him getting drunk every night, disappearing for hours, I can't take it anymore.
Thank you guys for listening... I'm trying to take care of myself, been taking care of him for so long it's strange, but I'm trying...
4 months ago