My mood alters from numbing despair to waves of hysteria and I don’t think it’s the diet or the weather so everybody stop telling me that. This isn’t the season, the weight loss, my birthday, the holidays or anything else for that matter. This has to do with the fact that for the past 2-3 years I’ve been working this shit job (with a nice pay check) so that Mike can find his niche, find his calling, find his passion and he did. And all this time I’ve been bitching about when’s my turn and here it is, it’s my turn and I can’t fucking move. I’m paralyzed and fucking scared no idea where to go. I’ve been using Mike, marriage and other circumstances as more GD excuses not to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do. I’m always either too drunk or too depressed or too busy or too tired. So no more of this shit, I gotta figure it out. No more waiting for the feelings to go away and moving on into the same dead end feeling – it’s my fucking turn.
That was a bit heavy but it had to come out. Thank y’all for listening.
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5 comments:
The unknown is the scariest part...
Taking a blind leap can sometimes be the most rewarding thing a person does...
It's your turn, girl :)
god, this sounds awful. i do wish you feel better soon, and find your own glittering niche!
Oh Sarah, I can relate. I know how it feels just to stay at a job you don't really like because you make good money. I too want my turn, my turn to do what I want with my life and instead of settling because it gives me a comfortable lifestyle. It is hard to make a change, to leap into the unknown. That's another reason I've been here 7 years. May you find the courage to do what makes you happy! Take your turn. It's time.
Oh boy, you know I'm feeling ya right now. I agree with Slick, sometimes, you just gotta jump off the edge and see what's at the bottom. You got a great guy and you are a smart girl, you are going to figure it out and you'll be fine!
I know we communicated a bit on myspace, and I read your bulletin/survey responses and felt so sad for you... you will find your way, sarah, you will. have some faith in yourself. and turn inward and see where your heart is pointing you and follow it. we only have one shot at this particular life and none of us should spend it in stagnation, confusion or despair. do this for yourself so that you don't spend your days that way. you can do it!
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