Sunday, December 28, 2008

Boxing Day

Hi all. Here I am. Here it is.

That sunday I wrote last, I hurt my back at work. Was okay the rest of the day but woke up monday and I couldn't move. I managed to go to the bank and pay rent but was in so much pain I called work to tell them I'm not coming. I sent Mike a txt telling him I paid rent and I'm staying home, turns out he was sleeping at Viki's and had the day off. So Viki called me later to ask how I was doing and Mike was just waking up, he asked if I wanted him to come over, he knows since i've been a kid I get very anxious when I'm sick or dissabled. So he came over and I asked if he was going to stay and he said he wanted to stay that night and see how things go if that's okay. He's been home since.

It's not perfect but we're both trying. We had a nice Christmas with our friends although we're totaly broke now because of that. I'm up and down, sometimes I'm optimistic and sometimes I feel like it's never going to work because the same thing will happen again next year... But I'm going with the flow, waiting for things to get better. He's not drinking as much and even if he does I try not to overreact. He finally went to the doctor, new psychiatrist for his bi-polar meds, turns out our insurance can now cover the cost and he did it on his own. cross your fingers...

Another thing. I wanted to go back to school and finish what I started 5 years ago but it looks like I wont be able to because of money issues. I'm really disapointed but I'm thinking instead I'll finally get my drivers license and start school again in the fall. They also have a summer class I'll look into.

I don't know what's going to happen yet but I do know I'm not going to neglect myself like that again, I have to keep investing in myself even if doenst fit with his feelings. I love him but I'm sick of hating myself. I need to take care of me and if he gets in the way of that then... sorry.


jenner said...

That last paragraph made me smile - A LOT. Good for you, Sarah. It's not easy but you can do it & you deserve it. I said before but it's true - I'm thinking about you a lot. Hope you get a chance to just relax soon. It's been a tough go of late. You deserve some bloody happiness, damn it. LOL


Brunhilda said...

That last paragraph is awesome. That is the perfect attitude to have. I am so glad Mike is taking some steps for himself, and you need to do the same for you. I want you to love yourself and be able to be proud of who you are and what you stand for regardless of how your relationship is going!

I hope your back is better soon. Life is hell when you have back problems.

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear Rez. I'm glad that you have finally come to the conclusion that you must first take care of yourself. How can you take care of others when you can't even look after your own health? I am sorry that I have not been up on all of this until today. If you are both committed to trying to make it work, you guys will be okay. Have you given any thought to couples therapy? Sometimes insurance pays for it...well, at least here in the States anyway. But, aside from that...stick to your plan. Hopefully you both can ride it out together and if not...well, you gave it a good try. Don't ever hate yourself. You are a good person and you deserve to love yourself. No one should ever take that from you. EVER.

Lizzle said...

You and Oprah! You both learned that lesson that you have to take care of you first! (I still struggle with that lesson!)

Here's hoping that the new year is better for all of us!

melissa said...

I'm sorry I'm just now getting over here too!

I can only echo what everyone else has said. You absolutely have to take care of yourself first. I'm having to relearn that right now and it sucks to realize just how empty you can leave yourself. Don't lose that focus. You are a wonderful woman and deserve happiness, whether on your own or with Mike.

But, I can't also say I don't hope you guys can work it out. I sincerely hope you guys can walk the road together, and find peace and love.

Good thoughts to you, my friend.

Anonymous said...


You alright???