Boxing Day

Hi all. Here I am. Here it is.

That sunday I wrote last, I hurt my back at work. Was okay the rest of the day but woke up monday and I couldn't move. I managed to go to the bank and pay rent but was in so much pain I called work to tell them I'm not coming. I sent Mike a txt telling him I paid rent and I'm staying home, turns out he was sleeping at Viki's and had the day off. So Viki called me later to ask how I was doing and Mike was just waking up, he asked if I wanted him to come over, he knows since i've been a kid I get very anxious when I'm sick or dissabled. So he came over and I asked if he was going to stay and he said he wanted to stay that night and see how things go if that's okay. He's been home since.

It's not perfect but we're both trying. We had a nice Christmas with our friends although we're totaly broke now because of that. I'm up and down, sometimes I'm optimistic and sometimes I feel like it's never going to work because the same thing will happen again next year... But I'm going with the flow, waiting for things to get better. He's not drinking as much and even if he does I try not to overreact. He finally went to the doctor, new psychiatrist for his bi-polar meds, turns out our insurance can now cover the cost and he did it on his own. cross your fingers...

Another thing. I wanted to go back to school and finish what I started 5 years ago but it looks like I wont be able to because of money issues. I'm really disapointed but I'm thinking instead I'll finally get my drivers license and start school again in the fall. They also have a summer class I'll look into.

I don't know what's going to happen yet but I do know I'm not going to neglect myself like that again, I have to keep investing in myself even if doenst fit with his feelings. I love him but I'm sick of hating myself. I need to take care of me and if he gets in the way of that then... sorry.